Monday, September 12, 2011

Baby Boys Make My Stomach Ache

You know, before I became an intactivist a parent, I used to see babies and just oogle over them.  Oh, I'm telling you, the sweet face of a newborn baby was just enough to bring me to tears.  I just thought they were the most amazing creatures that have ever been created.  Well, I still feel that way when I see them, only I cringe when I see a baby boy.  And I hate it. 

I hate looking at these precious babies and worrying about whether or not their parents were educated before they brought their son home.  I hate worrying that the little angel in front of me was strapped down to a circumstraint board and had his genitals torn and clamped and cut off of him while his screams for help were ignored.
I hate knowing that at least where I come from, only about 50-60% of baby boys make it home with all of their parts.  I hate knowing that even when their parents are told the truth, they are so often more worried about proving their son will be "just fine", and worry more about their own false opinions (like he "should look like daddy") than they do the FACTS.  They argue with me about truths...though their "truths" are far from fact.  They are generations of mis-information.  And their son pays the price for their inability to put HIS needs before their own.

The truth is that a baby boy with an intact penis is MUCH easier to care for than one with a huge, gaping, open wound on his freshly peeled penis.  All I had to do with my son was wipe the outside of it.  I can manage to wash my own hands, and washing his penis was 1/10th of that amount of work.  I didn't have to continuously peel back the raw skin and apply Vaseline on it.  I didn't have to worry that my son would bleed to death when I pulled the bandage off.  I didn't have to worry that when I woke up in the morning, my son would have filled his diaper with enough blood to kill him.  And I didn't have to worry about hearing that scream...that horrible screeching cry that they make every time feces or urine burn that raw area in their diaper.

The truth is that baby boys with an intact penis will grow up to have better sex than any of their cut peers.

The truth is that cutting a piece off of your child's penis doesn't somehow give it super powers.  It doesn't prevent STDs or HIV.  Only abstinence or condoms can do that.

The truth is that a father and son share DNA.  They don't need matching penises to be father and son, and a REAL man will want his son to have something he never had the chance to have.  And he'll protect him, not force the same fate on his precious baby boy.

I hate knowing that even after they've done it to one son, so many people still defend what was very clearly the wrong choice.  I hate knowing that they ignored that instinct to protect their infant, and I know we all have it!  I hate that someone let them do it in the first place, and then to allow it to happen again...makes me sick to my stomach.

I understand all too well that our first children are kind of guinea pigs for the rest to follow.  We do our best with them, but have very limited amounts of experience.  That lack of experience leads us to do things that later on, after more children, we look back on and think "what the hell was I doing?!" 

I also understand that sometimes people don't even THINK to look into circumcision, and when they do, it's very common to just ask other people they know that have boys what they did.  And if the people they asked about it had a son who was cut, chances are if they never looked into it further, theirs will be too.  Because we all think that someone with a child older than ours will know better than we do.  Sadly, that's not often the case.

I try to hope for the best...hope that every little boy I see has been saved...that someone took the time to put themselves out there and tell their parents the truth.  I hope that the fear of being told to mind their own business wasn't so scary that someone who knew the facts failed to speak up.  I hope that the little guy has been given the opportunity to live his life with every part of his genitals, that he might go on to then protect HIS children, and his grandchildren.

If it wasn't for hope, I'd have to stop looking at babies altogether.  Because the thought of those little wonders being strapped down and's just too much for me.


  1. I have many posts that I love that you have written, but this one always stands out to me. The reason...because I feel the exact same way. I used to have joy whenever someone told me they were expecting. (actually I think that part was a different post...) Now, I pray that they don't have a boy...unless I know for CERTAIN that they are against circumcision. I can never look at a little boy and be "happy", because I also wonder if he's been strapped down and mutilated. Sigh, one day I pray that this is banned and illegal...then maybe I can find joy again when someone says they're expecting a son.
    ~Meghann Backous

  2. Oh my God, I can SO relate to this! Wow, this is BY FAR my FAVORITE post! Thank you for writing this.

  3. I can totally relate to this! I find myself praying my pregnant friends and acquaintances are having girls. I recently had a WHOLE Network postcard sent anonymously to a friend who is not finding out the sex of her baby. I pray that she will take the time to do some research, in case it's a boy. I'm with you 100% on this. It breaks my heart to think of what these sweet newborn babies get put through just hours after their births, when all they want is to be snuggled and nursed and loved. :(