Welcome To Irritation Nation.

I'm sure by now you've realized things irritate me.  A lot.  Especially when people fail to recognize that their children have RIGHTS.

They are smaller than we are, and that means it's our job to protect them from harm.
When they can't talk, it doesn't mean they shouldn't have a say in what happens to their own bodies.
Their voices are quieter than ours, so that means it's up to us to make sure they're heard.


Children have the right to not only feel safe, but to BE safe.  They have the right to unconditional love.  They have the right to voice their opinions.  They have the right to be angry.  They have the right to be happy and to sing as loud as they want.  They have the right to live without fear.  They have the right to have everything they need, and some of the things they want.  They have the right to an education, no matter what form that comes in.  They have the right to bodily autonomy.  They have the right to say no, and for that to mean something!  They have the right to clean clothes, a warm house, and food at EVERY meal.  They have the right to have parents that are excited to see them, and who take joy in those little moments that shape them into who they're going to be as adults.  Children have the right to make choices for themselves, as long as they aren't going to get hurt.  Children have the right to play.  Children have the right to be treated the way we expect to be treated...as human beings with feelings.

When I see things like this...it was in regards to piercing a baby's ears...

...it irritates me.  She states clearly that it was "against her will".  Lovely parenting there.  And you know why she didn't touch them?  Getting your ears pierced HURTS, and she probably did touch them as soon as it was done, and was afraid to touch them again!

I generally try to keep my nose out of "Would You Pierce Your Daughter's Ears?" discussions because I tend to get so mad I have to stay of the computer for a week until I know that thread is loooong gone.

FTR, my stance on it...


NO, I WOULD NEVER HAVE ANYONE PUNCH A HOLE IN MY CHILD'S PERFECT EARS AGAINST THEIR WILL.  EVER.


I have four holes in each ear.  I got the first ones when I was...about 5, I think.  And I wanted them.  Well, atleast I thought I did.  My mom had cut my hair in that boy-style that was oh-so-popular in the '80s, and people were asking me if I was a boy.  (I was a hater of pink, so my clothes were all blue or brown.)
I asked my mom to get my ears pierced so people would stop asking me if I was a boy.  It hurt my feelings.  So, being a good mom, she took me.
(Could have just STOPPED CUTTING MY HAIR, but whatever...)

Anyways, I got them pierced.  I wanted to stop after the first ear, but my mom (and grandma) made me get the other one done.  My mom told me that I'd had one done already, I HAD to get the other one done.

FTR, I would NEVER make my child get the 2nd ear done if they decided after the first one, that they wanted to stop.  It's effing MEAN.

Well, as much as that memory irritates me, I did go on to get three more holes in each ear...as an adult.  


But is that to say I would want the same for my girls?  (Or my son for that matter?)  Not a chance.  I love their little ears exactly like they are.  They're perfect.  And I'm not going to alter my children's bodies to look like mine...or my husbands...or anyone's.


If they want their ears pierced they will not only have to be able to want them, but they have to be old enough to understand that it IS going to hurt, that they CAN get infected, and be able to care for them themselves.  There will be no 5 year olds getting pierced in this house!

I know it's "just ear piercing", and that this is probably going to piss off a few people, but I just can't take it anymore!  Children are not our PROPERTY.  They are not ours to change.  We should be protecting them from unnecessary pain, and telling them that they are perfect exactly as they were made.  And the fact is that ears DO get infected.  It DOES hurt.  And every time I see a little baby with earrings, it makes me sad.

So if you want to get angry because I'm speaking out about this, go ahead.  Be mad.  I can't stop you, and you have the right to whatever feelings you have.  But so do I.  

Children have the right to believe that they were born perfect...because they WERE.

The Joys Of Buying A House

Now, before I get into this, let me say that my husband and I have been together for 11 years in March. We've always rented. Well...no. For the first 5 years we were together, we actually lived with his mom. We were 26 when we moved out.  

We're certainly not rich by any stretch of the word, so please save you're "at least you GET to buy a house" comments for someone else.  We wouldn't even be able to do this if my husband didn't get enough for a down-payment from the passing of his mother.  We'd both MUCH rather just have her back and forget the house buying completely.  But we can't.  And all she ever wanted for us was for us to own a home.  So we're going to do it.  

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Our first place together was a tiny house on a farm property. It was super cheap to rent, and did us just fine. But the truth is, it wasn't even a "house". It was two portables (you know, the ones they use for schools?), pushed together. It was weird. LOL But it was fantastic to be in the country, and it was the perfect place for two people starting out.

Then I found out I was *finally* pregnant. That little "house" suddenly became a place I just couldn't be. There was definitely mold in the walls (which we really didn't give a crap about before...we just closed the door to the 2nd room where the mold was and didn't use that room). And there was a gas wood-stove-looking thing in the corner of the livingroom. It was our only supply of heat. When it was just us, that was fine. We were warm enough, but it got HOT when it was on. Not safe for babies.

So then we moved into a 4-plex in town. It was sweet! The floors were ceramic tile, there were 3 bedrooms, the kitchen was huge...two bathrooms, and it came with a brand new fridge, stove, washer, dryer, and dishwasher. The building was only 3 years old, so no fear of mold.

I had the twins when we lived there, and at first it was just fine...

Then they started moving around.

As it turns out, when babies learn to crawl, sometimes they smash their head on the floor. And when they try to pull themselves up on furniture, sometimes they wipe out and bang their head. Ceramic tile flooring was DANGEROUS for them. We ended up making the "master bedroom" which was oddly located upstairs, directly located in the kitchen...into a playroom. We bought those padded floor mats and padded that room from one end to the other. Everyday I sat in there with them for hours on end, trying to help them develop their gross motor skills. In that house they learned to crawl. Big Boy was 10 months old, and Ooey was 11 months when they became mobile.

The Playroom

At that house the kids started Occupational Therapy, and their worker came once a week to see them. And as great as the room was that we'd made for them, she agreed with us that it just wasn't enough space to teach them how to walk...and they should have the whole run of the house...not just one room.

So, after our lease was up on that house, we moved again.

This time we moved out to a 4 bedroom country house.  It was huge and old, and it had an enormous room upstairs that was used as a church for 45 years. Our intentions were to use that as a huge playroom/den, and we'd sleep in the bedrooms downstairs so the kids could be in the room directly beside us.

The "church".

. 

House #3.

That house was awesome.  I had 5 flower beds to keep me busy, it was bigger...the backyard was huge.  And more importantly, the floors were soft linoleum...or carpet!  The kids had the run of the downstairs, and all was right with the world.

Then winter came.  As you might notice in the picture, to the left of the house, there was propane for heat.  Super, right?  NO FREAKIN WAY.

It cost a fortune...and I mean we'd get a $1200 bill every month for that crap.  And, when it was super cold and windy outside, the heat would kick off.  You know...right when you REALLY want heat!  The problem was that the "outtake" on the propane heater was pointing toward the side of the house that the wind blew from.  (Left of the house.)  And as we had it explained, when the wind would blow up into the outtake pipe, it would blow the carbon monoxide back up the pipe and the heater would shut off to protect us from dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.  Lovely.  So basically we had two choices.  Be cold or die.  

There were many times that the heat was off for 24 hours.  In the winter.  And here we have normal winter weathers of -20 or lower.  So the twins would be bundled in several layers of clothes, hats, mitts, boots, and coats.  We had to buy two electric heaters which then made that $1200 propane bill piss me off even more because we ended up with a $500 hydro bill a week later!  Auuughhhh!!!  We're NOT rich, so bills like that quite literally made me cry.

Oh...and I should mention that the "church" that we had looked so forward to using had soft spots in the floor (scary), and there was on tiny heater for the whole room.  It was FREEZING up there!  It ended up being our indoor storage space.  None of the other rooms up there had any heat at all, so they ended up being left pretty much empty, other than one being used for my computer room.  (I had to use a blanket to even sit in the room!)

When I got pregnant, I said enough is enough.  Time to move.  We needed a house that's warm in EVERY room, and safe for the kids.  The country house, even in the summer when it was warm, was surrounded by fields.  Great, right?  Not so much.  My twins started running out into them, which wasn't too bad when it was soybeans, but when they planted corn...paranoia.  I could just IMAGINE those search parties!

So, we moved to the house we're in now.  It has 3 bedrooms...one that they used for their playroom, and two for sleeping.  The twins still share a room (my son won't sleep alone), and one for my husband and myself (and Baby Piranha).  There is a fence around the back yard, the floors are made of hardwood, lots of room to run.

This is just blocks from our house.

But my BIL has moved in with us.  And he brought his huge dog.  So suddenly our big house isn't big enough.  The playroom is now his, and so our hoarder-amount of toys are in our dining room.  And livingroom.  And kitchen.  And hallway.  And upstairs.  It's madness.  We need enough room for them to run, play, and have a special place for those toys.  And we need an extra room for the BIL.  Hopefully he'll find his own home sooner than later...but until then, he's here.

 We're looking for a 4 bedroom house...all the bedrooms have to be on the same floor.  (What if there was a fire?)  I need to know if anything happens, my kids are in the next rooms...not on another floor.  Because I WOULD die to save them...no question.

We're looking for a house with a fence.  I have this problem...my arms are firmly attached to my body.  If I actually had go-go-gadget arms, I'd be fine with no fence.  But I don't.  And since there are three kids to my one self, we NEED a fence.

And the floors have to be normal.  Not made of skull-cracking concrete, or anything equally as dangerous.  

The basement has to stay dry.  If we're paying for a house with a basement, it better be something we can use.  Seriously.  After that last house we had, I don't want to see four inches of water when I open the basement door, or I'll snap!

I thought that's all I really cared about.  Then we started looking at houses....

The first one was beautiful.  So beautiful in fact that we put an offer in on it.  And...so did 3 other families.  Great.  We even went all out and offered exactly what they were selling it for...and that NEVER happens, right?!  And even though we thought there was no way anyone else would do that, we didn't get it.  The person who got it offered $1500 more than they were even asking.  Seriously.

(It's like going to the grocery store and seeing bread for $3 and offering to pay $4 for it!  Crazy!)

So whatever.  We didn't get that most beautiful house ever.  : (  I'm not sad...sniff sniff...

After that we looked at no less than a dozen houses before finding a PERFECT house.  Three bedrooms (one was more than big enough for the girls to eventually share it and have lots of room), a finished basement, the house was completely renovated, the roof was great, the backyard was AWESOME, and it was a super-quiet street full of families.  We told our Realtor that we wanted that house, and we'd do whatever we had to do to get it.  It was about $20,000 less than the first one we put an offer in for, and they were totally willing to sell it to us for less than they were asking.  Everything was going great.  We told our Realtor what we would be willing to pay, and it was the same price they came back to us with...so it was ours.  By 9pm that night, we were going to be signing papers to make it all official.

At 4:30pm we got a call from the Realtor.

The family that was selling that house had to pull out of the deal.  They didn't have their end figured out, and didn't realize that because they were getting out of their mortgage before their 5 years were up (apparently you're locked in for 5 years, and if you get out early you pay a fee), and they were downsizing, so there was another huge fee...they would have had to pay $15,000 to get out of there.  So they have to stay.  No choice.  Now I'm just sad.

We've looked at a couple more houses since, but I can't stop thinking about that last house.  It was just perfect.

And everytime we look at a house now, we compare it to that one.  Yesterday we looked at a house that looked pretty awesome in the pictures online...the backyard was super, the rooms looked nice, the floors were nice, the roof was new, the windows were new, the kitchen was beautiful, the bathrooms were nice...  When we got inside, suddenly we realized there was no livingroom.  It was weird.  They changed their livingroom into a bedroom, so "technically" it was a 3 bedroom...all of the rooms were small...even the livingroom-bedroom.  Now, they DID have a finished basement, but it was weird too!  The layout was odd...more than half was like an extra-wide hallway that was really not something anyone could use, and the area they were using as their livingroom was small and very cramped.  And off to the side was an "L" in the layout where they had a bar set up.  We'd literally be living in the kitchen and basement...cramped.  

So now I've had to ask that we don't see any houses without a living room.  Who'da thunk it?

Anyways, I'm sure this post is a short novel by this point, and when we eventually find a house (and actually get to MOVE INTO IT), I'll do some "before" and "after" shots of it...once we start making it our own.

For now all I can say is that I am so sick of looking at houses, and as much as I'm trying not to let this get to me...it is.


**As I'm finishing writing this, the Realtor called...she's found another brand new listing on the same street as the last one we put an offer in on!  I'm afraid to be happy...**

UPDATE:


So the house we looked at back on the same street as the one we had just put an offer in on looked EXACTLY like my MIL's house (the layout)...only backwards.  As nice as it was done up, and it WAS beautifully done, it was just too much for my sweet husband.  I don't think he could have been happy there.  I think everyday he would have woken up and just been sad.  My MIL was the center of this family, a part of my own life every single day (even if it was just our [many] phone calls to each other).  Losing her is something we all already think about daily...we don't need to wake up and be sad.  Her memory should be celebrated, not something we mourn every minute.  And she wouldn't want that for us.  She was selfless, and a natural mother...she just mothered everyone, all the time.  We know that being a mother, she'd want us to be happy.  And we will be.  (And it's okay to be sad sometimes, but not ALL the time...it's just not healthy.)

So we kept looking.  We've looked at a few more houses, and some were nice. Some were CRAP.  (Like seriously, should you have to ask if a house has a livingroom?!  SHOULD YOU?!)  ; )

Yesterday we took the twins to Nana and Poppa's house and took the baby with us to look at one in a small town about 20 mins. away from the city we live in now.  We've always talked about living there, and we often take the kids there in the summer to go the splash pad, or just for a walk around the river.  It's quiet, and I love it.  (It also used to be our go-to destination when we fished!)

That house was beautiful.  The master bedroom was in the attic, and it was the MOST amazing bedroom I've ever seen in my life.  Gorgeous.  They did a fantastic job renovating that.  There is a sunporch that has clearly been used to homeschool, and I loved that too!  The back deck is beautifully built, and it overlooks the river.  The yard was HUGE and has a nice tall (well built) fence that surrounds the whole yard, so the kids would be safe.  I liked that I could see the river, but would never have to worry that the kids would drown in it.

The only downside of that house is that the master bedroom is in the attic...and the other two rooms are on the main floor.  There is also a huge basement (partially finished) that has a legal-sized window at a legal height that could easily be converted into a 4th bedroom in the future.  Sounds awesome, right?

Well, if our kids were about 10 years older, I'd totally be all over that house.  You don't find a master bedroom like that everyday!  (The en suite...ugh!  To die for!)  But I can NOT sleep on a different floor than my children sleep on.  Not yet.  Not for many more years.  They are small enough to steal.  And what if there was a fire?  I can't be on another floor.  Even if I showed them how to climb out of their windows...they're young, and they'd be running amok outside...escaped...probably naked, or close to it.  LOL

Great house.  Not for us.

Then we looked at another one in a hamlet 6 minutes from the edge of the city we live in.  Big yard.  The house is completely redone.  The basement is completely finished.  All the bedrooms are on the same floor...though the master is on the other side of the house.  At least they're on the same floor, and we DO own baby monitors.

We're going in for a 2nd walk-through tomorrow with the Realtor that is selling it...ours just went to Panama for a week (LUCKY!).  If we like it the 2nd time as much as the first time, we'll put in an offer.

I still don't know if this is it...we really love it, but it's just a tiny bit out of our price range.  If we can get them down a bit, it would be great.  And in reality, we don't HAVE to live there forever...though we probably would.

This will be our THIRD house we're putting an offer in on.  Let's hope "Third time's a charm" is true.  I'm so tired of looking!  XD

Damaged Boobies...again, that's the warning.

Every time I hear a mom talk about breastfeeding like it's all roses and sunbeams, I have to laugh.  I wish she was right, I wish it was always just "soooo lovely", but it's not.  Sometimes there are things that happen that have have had me describe it as torture, or worse yet, "bodily disfigurement"

The most funny part of all of this is that when I breastfed my son (he's 3 1/2 now), things really were (mostly) rainbows and butterflies.  It was just easy.  Well, easiER.  He was about 12 weeks old before he was exclusively being breastfed, so maybe it was those 12 weeks of pumping that really made my boob appreciate not being stretched to unimaginable lengths.  (Haven't used a hospital-grade pump?  Put that on your bucket list. There's really nothing that will make you get that HOLY HELL! look on your face faster.)  

I'll admit that I still haven't had the moment of memory removal happen...not to get off topic here, but I'm pretty sure that there is a point that every mom's memory wipes clean any bad memories that EVER happened during their child's life...which is why, when their children have their own kids, moms can look their children in the eye and say "you never did anything like that...you were SOOOOO good!"  Even though we know it's NOT true because WE can still remember it.  (All kids come with some kind of issue, at some point.  It's part of BEING a kid!)

Anyways, back to where I'm going with this.  I haven't forgotten yet, all of those days that I breastfed my son through gritted teeth because the feeling was just annoying.  I wish I had a better word for it, but I don't know if there is one.  It irritated me.  Not the snuggling.  Not the touching.  Just the nursing.  And I know I'm not alone.  I've read it from other moms too.  Maybe my monthly was coming up, or whatever.  Who cares.  The fact remains that there were times that just the feeling of him nursing made me agitated.  And I kept going because one day of being uncomfortable was not enough to stop me.  I was a woman on a mission.

But other than those few times of feeling like I'd have happily torn my boob off just so he could nurse and I wouldn't have to feel it, it was peaches and icecream.  (LOL, can you tell I haven't had coffee yet...what's with the crazy comparisons?!)  I never had any real problems with him...nothing like this time around.  I took Domperidone like it was candy, but meh...had do do what I had to do.  When I stopped breastfeeding him, that was a TERRIBLE day.  I felt like shit.  HE didn't care...but I did.  I realized that it was all that I knew too, and there were tears (mine).  (That's a story for another day.)

So when I had my baby 14 months ago (she's 14 months now!), I felt like the winner of a race because she was born healthy, and was on my boob within a few minutes of being born.  She nursed.  She slept.  She nursed.  She slept.  Good stuff...right?

NOT SO MUCH.

After going into it feeling like things would be perfect, I didn't watch to make sure she was nursing correctly.  I didn't CARE, I just assumed that because she was happy, all was well in the world.

They had TOLD me right after she was born that she had a mild tounge-tie, and I laughed in the face of it.  HAHAHA!  My son is severely tounge-tied, and I managed 22 months.  A mild tounge-tie wasn't going to stop me!  BRING IT ON!

It was about a week after we came home from the hospital that my boobs nipples, started to HURT.

A LOT.

They didn't crack...but they bled. Ugh. (WTF?! I'm a freakin expert!!)  I ended up having to switch boobs for each feed, depending on that stupid boob of mine to do what it had to do...which at first it seemed to.  (But they drink very little at first, right?)

After I finally got the pain and bleeding under control, I saw what had happened.  I drew you a picture to show you what I'm talking about.

She sucked the skin off the entire end of my nipple!  GAH!!!

Yeah.  Well it's been many months since the original injury, and it still looks like it did right after it happened.  Not raw, but still...disfigured.  The normal skin is thicker, and so it's raised up a bit from the "new skin".  It looks weird.  Like there's a step from the end of my nipple to the top of it.

Good times.

I have to say, when I hear moms complain about "cracked nipples", I have made that pffttt! noise.  I want to say "Cracked nipples?  You want to see damaged nipples?  I'll show you damaged nipples!"
But I don't.  It's not helpful.  And if someone had of said something like that to me when my boobs were bleeding, I'd probably have karate chopped them in the neck!  (And I'm pretty sure I'd have gotten away with it too!!)  Daily I have to remind myself that in that moment the only thing that will help that mom is some encouragement.  And maybe some empathy.  Because, in reality, it's those painful moments that a mom just needs someone to get her through...and the response she gets could make or break that breastfeeding relationship.

I would never want to be responsible for a baby missing out on breastmilk.  I'm pretty sure a huge boob would drop out of the sky and squash me.  You know.  Like it was sent from the Breast Goddess, or something.

So that's my story of nipple trauma.  Lovely, eh?

Oh.  And before I say goodbye, it turns out my Baby Piranha has a severe lip tie.  No one told me about it.  It wasn't until I saw a photo posted on my wall by...Peaceful Parenting?  (I can't remember now.)  So I checked my kids.
Big Boy doesn't have one....just a severe tongue-tie.
Ooey Gooey DOES have one, plus a tongue-tie (more severe than the baby's).  Which really explains a lot!
And Baby Piranha (which she will now be known as), has a severe lip tie, and a mild tongue tie.

Baby Piranha's lip tie.

Amazing how easily things are explained with a few facts.  

A Boobie Post...Yes, that's the warning.

Yeah, so ignoring the fact that I may lose a couple of followers after this post, I will tell you the truth.  My boobs HURT.
It's not that "I'm-so-engorged-I-think-they-may-explode" kind of hurt.  It's the "my-baby-bit-me-and-broke-the-skin-on-my-nipple" kind of hurt.
I sometimes feel like I'm breastfeeding a piranha...or maybe a member of THIS family.  
I normally wouldn't make a whole post dedicated to the AGONY of having a bite hole in the side of my nipple, but I'm making an exception this time.

I'm preeeetty sure this is my daughter.

Baby Girl is on the boob about 30 times a day, if not more, these days.  She will hardly drink water, and completely refuses any other liquids.  I am most certainly having supply issues, but I'm working on that.  I thought maybe if I was making more milk for her, she'd get her fill and give my poor boobs a break for a few extra minutes.  I even started taking more Domperidone, just hoping for a little help until I can sprout these Fenugreek Seeds.  So far, nothing is helping.

The truth is that I know that she's teething.  Two at once, on the top.  And the gums where the bottom two haven't come in yet are super hard.  She'll get them anytime too.  She's even got a lovely rash on her face, which she's NEVER had before.  Our Realtor (a friend of the family) told me that both of her boys had the same rash when teething...but it's new for me.  And for Baby Girl.  She has my complete sympathy.  I have had too many toothaches to even count, and to be a baby with a sore mouth...I can't imagine how much that sucks for her.  I know she's nursing for comfort, and if it's all I can do to really keep her from crying, I'll do it.

On top of the damaged nipple thing, there's the issue of my boobs themselves.  Oh, I'm not going to go too into it...but I WILL say that I nursed my son for more than 16 months on one boob.  If I can nurse a 22 month old porkchop on one boob, anyone can!  I don't know how common it is, but it's like one boob just doesn't understand that it's supposed to be making milk.  Super annoying.  (I had every intention of posting a picture of something clever to go with this part of the post, and ended up seeing some of the most INSANE breast pictures EVER.  I wish I had Brain Bleach to erase the image of those Volvo-sized boobs...)

Anyways... this is more of a post to let people know that even though I'm no rookie, this isn't always easy for me either.  I think the biggest lie anyone has ever told was that breastfeeding is "always so natural and beautiful", because sometimes it is JUST NOT.  It's not always rainbows and unicorns.  There are times it's torture.  Like now.

Well, that's what it feel like!

And I'm no super-hero.  I have those thoughts I'm sure other moms have had...and it's all caused by the soft-tissue trauma going on under my shirt.  LOL  These days I sometimes wish my baby would just drink water out of that Dora sippy cup and leave my poor damaged boobie alone.  And sometimes I wish that my other boob would step it up and do what it's supposed to be doing, not just hanging around doing nothing all day.  (MOOCH!)  Oh, and then there's the times I wish my husband could breastfeed her...just a couple of times...even just one day.  Just to give my boob a break.  But noooooo....I guess I'm not married to THIS GUY.  My boob hurts so much, that guy is starting to look pretty good right now.  LOL!

But as much as I bitch (and I do), I'll keep going.  I'll keep nursing that little tooth-monster until she weans herself.  Logically I know it's what's best for her, and logic has to outweigh my desire instinct to HEAD FOR THE HILLS everytime she comes up and says "Bub bub".

Even if breastfeeding didn't have any health benefits, it makes her happy.  I knew a long time ago that I would do whatever I have to do to make sure she's happy...chewed nipple or not.    (And because there are too many health benefits to ignore, my logic-based brain has to do what needs to be done, no matter what.)

Teething can't be easy for them.  I know those teeth aren't being easy on me, and I'm an adult!  So I'm going to suck it up and continue to put her best interest before my own.  I just had to complain for a minute.  I (almost) feel better...

Ugh.  It's almost bedtime...my boob hurts just thinking about it!  >.<

This too shall pass...this too shall pass...this too shall pass...

Maybe in another post I'll tell you about the damage she did in the first week after her birth!  Aughhh!!!

*Sorry for talking about my boobs.  It could be worse, I guess.  I could have named them.  LOL

Fenugreek Seeds...My Own Personal Experience

So I bought some fenugreek seeds at the grocery store.  I went online and found this on ehow.com:

Use fenugreek to increase milk supply. Fenugreek has been shown to increase milk production in lactating women. A 2000 Swafford study found that the use of fenugreek "significantly increased" the volume of breast milk that women were able to produce. To increase your milk supply using fenugreek, take two to four 580 mg capsules of fenugreek three times per day. Fenugreek powder can also be used to increase milk supply by mixing one tablespoon powder with 1/4 cup juice three times a day.


And this, on Kellymom.com:

Suggested dosage

capsules (580-610 mg)	2-4 capsules, 3 times per day 6-12 capsules (total) per day ~1200-2400 mg, 3 times per day (3.5-7.3 grams/day) German Commission E recommends a daily intake of 6 grams
capsules (500 mg)	7-14 capsules (total) per day
powder or seeds	1/2 - 1 teaspoon, 3 times per day 1 capsule = 1/4 teaspoon can be mixed with a little water or juice
tincture	1-2 mL, 3 times per day (or see package directions)
tea	one cup of tea, 2-3 times per day

I'm  having some serious supply issues lately.  We've been through some extreme stress and sadness in our family over the past few months, and even taking four Domperidone a day, I'm barely making enough to make the baby happy, and she's only having about 4 very wet diapers a day, no matter how often I put her to breast.  (Before this, I took two pills, three days a week, and it was more than enough.)  I've had to start giving her water in a sippy cup after having her on the breast, because she's just not satisfied at all.  I know all too well that she needs to be on the boob as much as possible to increase my supply and I've tried that, but nothing is improving.  So for now she's getting boob throughout the day and during the night, and getting water when she needs it.  It's hard not to feel like I'm failing her.

Only because I am determined, because I know she deserves only the very best, I am trying something new.  I want to go to a MINIMUM of two years with her (and she just turned a year old on November 26th).  Ideally she could breastfeed as long as she'd like to, and she'd be closer to three or four before she stopped.  But at this rate, I'm afraid she won't make it to 18 months.

I've never used fenugreek seed, though I have tried that breast milk tea that has fenugreek in it.  (That tea didn't work for me, but it's probably because I couldn't get it in my mouth...my nose kept stopping me...that stuff smelled like ASS.)  I'm going out tomorrow to get myself a grinder so I can follow the instructions I saw on ehow.com, and we'll see how that goes.

This is what "Breastfeeding Online" has to say about it;

" Fenugreek seeds contain hormone precursors that increase milk supply. Scientists do not know for sure how this happens. Some believe it is possible because breasts are modified sweat glands, and fenugreek stimulates sweat production. It has been found that fenugreek can increase a nursing mother's milk supply within 24 to 72 hours after first taking the herb. Once an adequate level of milk production is reached, most women can discontinue the fenugreek and maintain the milk supply with adequate breast stimulation. Many women today take fenugreek in a pill form (ground seeds placed in capsules). The pills can be found at most vitamin and nutrition stores and at many supermarkets and natural foods stores. Fenugreek can also be taken in tea form, although tea is believed to be less potent than the pills and the tea comes with a bitter taste that can be hard to stomach. Fenugreek is not right for everyone. The herb has caused aggravated asthma symptoms in some women and has lowered blood glucose levels in some women with diabetes. "

And here's something interesting, it also says this;

"Little Known Uses

Fenugreek has an age old reputation as a breast enlarger and contains diosgenin which is used to make synthetic estrogen and has been shown to promote the growth of breast cells. You can drink fenugreek as a tea, use it in yogurt, applesauce or soups, or make a light mixture with any lotion and massage it directly into the breasts. It may also aid in increasing sexual desire in women as well as increasing breast beauty and health. Fenugreek contains choline which may aid the thinking process, and antioxidants that slow aging and help prevent disease. It is also helpful in calming PMS and symptoms of menopause. Fenugreek is also considered to be an aphrodiasiac and rejuvenator."

This post is going to be a record of my experience with it.



January 18th, 2012:

I have purchased a bud buster...I mean...a coffee grinder.  Hahahaha...Oh times have changed...

$15 at Zellers.  Pretty basic, but will work just fine to grind seeds.

January 19th, 2012:

Okay, so I put 1 1/2 tsp into a yogurt cup.  GROSSSSS!!!  I felt like I was on Fear Factor.  My BIL stood there and watched me take the first bite, and was for whatever reason, compelled to put his finger into what I had ground up, to taste it.
Oh man, I wish I'd had that on video!  Hahaha!  He spit into the sink, wiped his tongue on his sleeve, and got a drink of water.

Yeah, that shit is nasty.

So...I'm posting this HOPING some of you can give me some advice on how I'm supposed to take this when it tastes so gross.  Please comment on the wall under the link for this post.

Thank you in advance for any help!
xoxo

Things That Piss Me Off...Butthurts

Please stop it.

Oh, the dramaz...  I have a whole list of things that piss me off, but after the dramazzzz that I've had to deal with on the page wall (I posted that link to the page, but removed the bullcrap), I'm going to address one of my least favorite things.  Butthurts. 

Don't know what that means?  Oh, let me explain it.  It's when someone gets all bent out of shape over something that was not in fact even directed at them, and they lash out like a nut.  (Such as my putting up a post about yelling being abuse, and then someone getting all cranky because they internalized it, and felt "attacked" by it...even though I don't even KNOW THEM in real life, so could not POSSIBLY know what's going on in their home.)  It's pretty impossible for me to write posts about people I don't know...but this person got all upset about it anyway...even though it was that person who stepped forward on their own accord, and said openly that they "regularly yell" at their 4 year old son, and if they hadn't, no one would have even known.  (Well, maybe the neighbors...but I'd never have known.  And neither would have 600+ other people on the page wall.)

I guess if I was openly admitting to disrespecting someone that looks up to me and saying that I don't want to change my bad behavior, I'd probably get mad about someone telling me that I was not doing what's best for my child too.  No one wants to be told that their behavior is inappropriate, even when it is.  And I'm sure that finding out that what I was doing was actually abusive would probably piss me right off.  (Since if I was this kind of person, clearly anger is my go-to emotion.)

Here is a definition from the Urban Dictionary for "Butthurt":

ButtHurt

An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult. Characterized by strong feelings of shame. Frequently associated with a cessation of communication and overt hostility towards the "aggressor."

I learned to swallow my pride a long time ago...not long after having children. Before I had kids, I had all the answers.  (Well, I sure thought I did.)  Then I had twins and realized that I didn't.  Infact, I didn't even know all the questions!  So as I've walked this parenting journey, I've come to find out that sometimes what I thought was right; what I thought was best, was actually NOT what was right or best at all.  And if you know me, you'd know that I'd never intentionally do anything wrong (especially when it comes to my kids).  I'm one of those people that have to know everything there is to know, because the idea that I might not do a part of this parenting thing the best possible way is just terrifying to me.  I only get one shot at this.  I can't go back and have them re-live their childhood again, so it needs to be done right the first time.  But even I, the overly anal one, have made mistakes along the way!  And the reason it just freakin' irritates me so bad when someone stands and fight for their right to do something that has been proven NOT to be the best for ANY child, is because before I was able to put my own ego aside, it used to be me.

Once upon a time, I used to think that it was just fine to give my daughter formula, and I fought like a crazy person with these "thoughtless, judgmental bitches" who told me I was wrong.  They had a lot of NERVE saying that I was giving her poison, and that it was only one step above feeding her nothing.  (They were bitches when they said that I loved my breastfed son more than her because I gave her formula, though.  I'd still like to kick them in the neck for that one.)  But overall, when it came to the facts of formula, they were right.

It was only after I was able to grow the hell up and let go of my stupid ego that I actually did some real research.  And do you know what I found out?  I was wrong all along.
It made me cry.  A lot.
It still hurts knowing that I didn't do the very best for my daughter (even if I thought I was at the time), and she is such a wonderful gift...she deserved better.  If I knew more, I could have done better for her.  But there's no going back now.  There's nothing I can do to change the past...so I have made sure that the future would be different.  Even though my feelings were hurt by the truth, it remained the truth just the same.

This blog is about KNOWING better and then DOING better.  Not knowing better and ignoring the facts because pride depends on defending mistakes.  There's probably a blog out there like that, but it's not this one.  

I want to say, I'm not going to stop posting information on my blog...MY blog...that I think is important.  I'm not going to change my opinion on what does and does not constitute abuse, either.

There are facts, and there are opinions, and it is a FACT that yelling at children (more than once in a blue moon) is ABUSIVE.  I'm not going to sugar-coat the truth.  I'm not going to crap rainbows because someone can't handle the truth.  I have never been able to talk to adults like they're children, because they AREN'T.  I just assume that an adult is able to be spoken to like they're an adult, and can handle that.  Apparently it's not always the case, but I STILL can't talk to adults like their children.  And crapping rainbows sounds painful, so I won't be doing that anytime soon either.

2.0 WHAT IS ABUSE?  (taken from HERE)
definition, meaning, explanation, types, categories

Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal; it is intimidation or manipulation of another person or an intrusion into another's psyche; the purpose is to control another person. It is generally a long term pattern of behavior although specific short term interactions can be labeled abusive. Recently the following categories have been included in definitions of abusive behavior: social, economic, intellectual andspiritual. With child abuse neglect is also an important component.

Abuse cuts across all social categories and classes. It occurs in well educated high income areas and in low income working class areas; it happens in all races and religions. It can occur in families, extended families, in neighborhoods, schools, churches, and community groups. Both men and women can be abusive and it can occur in virtually all age groups. The old can abuse the young and the young the old. While standards are different in various cultures, it occurs in virtually all countries as well.

Because it is often learned at an early age, it can be passed from generation to generation like a family disease. This is called theintergenerational cycle of abuse.

Abuse tends to happen to people in a weaker position or to those who are willing to be accommodating. Thus a stronger brother will abuse a weaker brother; an agreeable and supportive wife may be abused by her uncompromising husband; a teacher may pick on a student who is having learning problems; a spoiled teenage boy may manipulate a parent in an abusive manner.

This site, AbusiveLove.com, is primarily about verbal abuse although it discusses other abusive behaviors as well. It concentrates on verbal because most abusive behavior includes verbal elements and because words and tone of voice can be indentified and changed more easily than other kinds. Attacking and changing abusive verbal behavior will go a long way to preventing other abusive problems.  (Bold and underline put in by ME.)

I found the following HERE, and I could not love it MORE:

KIDS’ BILL OF RIGHTS  A child has the right to live without being sexually molested, sexually harassed, or used in any way. A child has the right to live in a safe environment.  A child has the right to have a parent(s) or guardian(s) who care(s) about him/her. A child has the right to live without physical or verbal abuse, including criticism and yelling. A child has the right to eat three meals a day, wear clean, warm clothing, and have a roof over his head. A child has the right to privacy as soon as he/she requests it. A child has the right to an education (with or without a home, birth certificate, or immunizations) where he/she will be treated as equal to his peers and respected by adults, without verbal or physical abuse from adults or peers. A child has the right to ask questions so she/he can learn about the world. A child has the right to be disciplined without violence. A child has the right to be included in a group no matter what his race, religion, or handicap.

No society will ever rise higher than its weakest, smallest members.  Unless they are lifted too, they will pull society down.  -Kidsread

HOW TO KEEP DISCIPLINE WITHOUT YELLING OR SCREAMING

NO  YELLING AT HOME (You decide what works for you)
Yelling in the home is okay if, a) a train has crashed into your living room, b) your children have turned into werewolves, or c) scary aliens have landed on your roof. 
Let's face it.  There is never going to be absolute quiet for long periods of time in a home with happy children (although some children are more calm and quiet than others).  If you are one of those people who requires absolute quiet and you have children, then it's time to have earplugs surgically implanted in your ears.  A certain amount of tolerance is necessary, and a certain amount of facing reality, but when you get to the point that you are becoming irritable don't yell, try one of the following:

• One Mom who needed peace and quiet taped a sign on a tank vacuum cleaner that said, "Noise Eating Machine."  She turned it on and tapped each kid gently on the head, pretending she was vacuuming up the noise."  After they were quiet they all got a cookie.  Soon the kids were also playing the game.
• Make a rule about "indoor voices" and "outdoor voices."  Indoor voices are normal sound levels.  Outdoor voices can include shouting if it is for playing, not fighting.
• When using the phone and you can't hear, raise your hand high and then point to the phone, or with a portable phone wave bye-bye, point to the phone, and walk out of the room.  Use exaggerated facial expressions of mock dismay, or pretend crying.  
• If kids are in the habit of shouting to get your attention tell them, "I can't answer until you use a normal voice."
• If they shout from upstairs while you are downstairs tell them, "I'm down here and I can't hear you."  They'll come down and say, "then how did you know I was talking?"  You say, "I didn't, I thought it was a lion roaring."
• Tell them, "As soon as it's quiet I can tell you what we're going to do."
• When serving food or treats say, "The quietest kids get theirs first."
• Take the kids to the park, or send them outside to play (in rural suburbs first check for snakes, scorpions, or other danger).

HERE is another wonderful article on yelling at children BEING ABUSE, from Livestrong.com.  Below is a section of the article.

"Growing up in an environment filled with loud voices can cripple your mental health. Consider that "good" things are rarely shouted, while negative, soul-crushing epithets are lifted to the heavens. A child has no choice but to hear because he has no escape. He cannot hail a cab or hop a bus away from home. This captive victim instead stays for years as the long-term effects of yelling shape his mind."

HERE is yet another one, found in the NY Times.   A little bit of the article is below.

"Researchers are trying to codify the definition of emotional abuse while, at the same time, understanding more about its effects. A study in the July 2001 issue of The American Journal of Psychiatry that compared 49 subjects with depersonalization disorder with 26 emotionally healthy subjects, found that emotional abuse was the most significant predictor of mental illness, more so than sexual and physical abuse."

Now, to those who feel like their yelling is "normal", or "not abuse", I say this; Would you allow another person to speak to your child the way you do? Would you allow someone to speak to YOU the way you speak to your child? If the answer is no, then you have to ask yourself why it is that you feel that you have the right to speak to your child that way, and what is it that you hope to gain from talking to them like that?  

In the end, what I really wanted to get across is that YES, screaming at your kids IS ABUSE, whether this fact hurts your feelings or not. Facts are facts.

If you yell TO your child, or OVER the voices of your other children, THAT is not the same as yelling AT your child.  And yelling at them once ever, because you're afraid (like if they run into a busy street), is different than yelling at them because you "lost patience after nicely telling them something 50 times", and that's happening on a regular basis.  Yelling to get away from the stove is not the same as yelling out of frustration.  There is a huge difference between constantly yelling at your child, and yelling because you just don't have those awesome go-go-Gadget-arms, or the ability to fly.  (Did I just date myself there with that Inspector Gadget reference?)

Our children are smaller than we are (atleast for a while).  Their inability to fight back is not an excuse to mistreat them.  Its all the more reason to treat them well.  They need to be protected, not taken advantage of.  Respect is not gained by inflicting fear.  It's earned.  Give respect, get respect.


In closing, I don't appreciate it when someone gets all crabby because I can show proof that constantly yelling at children is abusive.  If anyone wants to defend their yelling, tell it to someone else because I don't want to hear it.  There's nothing anyone is ever going to say that is going to suddenly make me see that side as right, and no matter what I'm never going to wake up and say "Oh, you are so right.  Yelling at kids is just fine...despite the proof otherwise.  I think I'll go home and scream at mine right now.  I sure don't want to raise brats.  Eff respect, they need fear! Mmwooohahahahahaha!"
Yeah.  Not gonna happen.
 

No society will ever rise higher than its weakest, smallest members. Unless they are lifted too, they will pull society down. -Kidsread

And for the record:

Just sayin'.

LOL  Have a good one.  ; )

Constant Yelling Can Be Just As Harmful to Children as Physical Abuse

I'm sure this information is no surprise to most of us, but for those that think it's just fine to SCREAM at your kids all the damned time, here's some information for you.


Taken from HERE. 

What does the research show?

Most parents, even the most patient ones, lose their temper and yell at their children. According to a 2003 study published in The Journal of Marriage and Family, 88 percent of the 991 families interviewed admitted shouting, yelling or screaming at their children in the previous year. That percentage jumped to 98 percent in families with 7-year-old children.

While occasional yelling is common in American families, parents who constantly yell at their children are subjecting their children to emotional abuse that researchers say can be as harmful as physical abuse. A 2001 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry involving 49 people with depersonalization disorder (a mental disorder in which a person has a feeling of detachment or estrangement from one’s self) and 26 emotionally healthy people, found that yelling and other forms of emotional abuse was a more significant predictor of mental illness than sexual and physical abuse.

Besides being potentially harmful if overused, yelling is often ineffective. “Children can become immune to being yelled at and start to tune it out,” according to psychologist Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D., of Drexel University. Dr. Shure’s research shows that parents whose only way of disciplining their children is by yelling, demanding or commanding have children that at age four or five are more likely to display physical or verbal aggression, social withdrawal, and a lack of positive/prosocial behaviors, such as sharing and empathy. She says instead of yelling, which makes children feel angry and frustrated, parents should use a problem-solving approach in which children are taught to think about their own and others’ feelings. For example, if your children will not pick up their toys, ask them to think of how you feel when they won’t pick up the toys. Then ask them to think of something they can do so you won’t feel that way. This approach can have large and long-lasting effects on children's behavior (see http://www.psychologymatters.org/shure.html andhttp://www.thinkingchild.com).

How do these findings relate to ACT?

The ACT program recommends that the best way for parents to prevent negative behaviors in their children is to support positive behaviors. Parents may be less tempted to yell at their children if they talk to their children about simple rules about behavior, and then put them into action. After setting up the rules, parents can guide children using some of the following approaches:

• Let children know what you expect, with simple statements. “Please put away your toys right now.”
• Give warnings and reminders, without threats. “When you put away your toys, then you can go outside with your friends.”
• Tell a child what to do rather than what not to do. “Please use a soft voice,” instead of “Stop yelling!”
• Follow through with praise for following instructions or consequences for disobeying.

It is normal for adults to get angry; but it is important to learn to recognize angry feelings and to learn and practice positive ways of dealing with them. For specific anger-management steps, read the ACT handout: "Helping Adults Manage Their Angry Feelings" (http://www.actagainstviolence.org/materials/handouts/FamilyAM1.pdf).

Citations:

Simeon, D., Guralnik, O., Schmeidler, J., Sirof, B., & Knutelska, M. (2001). The role of childhood interpersonal trauma in depersonalization disorder.American Journal of Psychiatry, Vol. 158, pp. 1027-1033.

Straus, M.A., & Field, C.J. (2003). Psychological aggression by American parents: National data on prevalence, chronicity, and severity. Journal of Marriage & Family, Vol. 65, pp. 795-808.

Shure, M.B. (2005). Thinking Parent, thinking child. New York: McGraw-Hill.

If you can't handle your kids without yelling at them all the time, it's YOU who needs to change.  They are CHILDREN, and they get ONE childhood.  You get ONE chance to do this right.  If you can't do it the way it needs to be done, admit it, and seek help.  Please.

Your children deserve the very best life.  Living in fear is no way to live.

**And to those who are all butthurt about this article that states that screaming at children regularly is abuse, I suggest you read THIS post, and perhaps grow up and move on.  Obsessing over this one post makes you look crazy.  Bye bye now!**