Friday, June 22, 2012


My two cents:

I thank everyone who has found a better way to teach their children than putting their hands on them.  When you were raised being hit, it's not always easy to do better, but it CAN be done.
My parents whipped my butt and I learned that I was never really safe.
I didn't trust them.
I still have trust issues with them today, especially when they tell me that I should be hitting my own children.  I know they still think it was justified.
I knew I would be spanked when I screwed up, because being less than perfect was a punishable offence.  I never got to do things my own way.
I did fear them.  And with good reason.
I feared that they would fly off the handle for something leaving a toy on the stairs.  I never really got to relax...I was always anticipating their next move.
I did not RESPECT them.  I FEARED them.  And those are two very different things.
I didn't always know what my boundries were, because they would vary from day to day, but I knew what would happen if I crossed them.
Spanking doesn't classify as "abuse", for some reason.  So I can't say that I was "abused", in the legal sense of the word.  They called it "discipline", and as a parent myself, now, I call it inappropriate, un-necessary, and mental, physical, and emotional abuse.
Being hit by the people who's job it is to teach them right from wrong, is why children these days have no "respect for anyone".  They have had no example at home to learn from.  They're a product of their environment.

Children shouldn't just have to "survive" their childhood.  They should be ENJOYING it, LIVING it, and not being afraid to make a mistake.  Why do we have SO many people in this world that just beat themselves up over the smallest mistakes??  Because we were taught that being anything less than perfect would result in punishment.  And now, as adults, there is no one there to inflict that punishment on they do it to themselves.  Emotionally damaged.
Additionally, putting your hands on someone 1/3 of the size you are, makes you a bully.  It teaches children that it's okay to hit when you're long as the person you're hitting is smaller than you, and has no ability (or rights) to fight back.

It's not always easy to live the words, "Keep your hands to yourself", but if you plan on teaching that, PLAN ON LIVING IT.  Children learn what they live.  That's a fact.
One last thing.  

Too many times I've read people say that "all children are different...this is the only thing that works for mine."

...I have a question...

If it works, why does it need to be done more than once??  If it "worked" so well, shouldn't that stop all the "bad" behavior?

The fact is that children are learning from scratch.  They came into this knowing NOTHING.  Brand new.  And they're GOING to make mistakes.  If you're going to have to repeatedly do something to teach them how to behave in a suitable manner, wouldn't you rather sit and talk with them, and TAKE THE TIME to explain things to them, instead of HITTING THEM??

Spanking does not "work" for anyone.  It is an adult's temporary loss of control, resulting in the mental, emotional, and physical harming of a child.
What you did yesterday does not have to be what you do today, or tomorrow.  No one expects anyone to be the "perfect parent".  But, when you know that what you are doing is wrong, just stop. Try something else.  Hitting ANYONE is inappropriate, and hitting a CHILD...un-called for.  Be the person you want your kids to be...and who they DESERVE you to be.  If you need help, ask for it.  It's never too late to change.

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