Thursday, March 8, 2012

Shit That Pisses Me Off...Being Nice.

If you know me, you know I'm very "nice".  I try to do for other people what I'd want done to me if I was in their shoes.  I try to consider people's feelings, and pretty much only expect the same thing in return.  


What pisses me off about being nice is when I find myself being nice ONLY because I'd want the same done to me if I was that other person.  Not because they really deserve it...and sometimes even when they clearly do not.

I end up on the phone with people from Bell Canada (phone/satellite company we use) for 45 minutes when the phone call should have taken no more than 5 minutes at the most.  Why?  Oh, because I'm NICE.  The guy on the other end wanted to talk to me about his favorite show, and I listened.  I told him it sounded interesting.  (It did SO not sound like my cup of was called "Operation".  Gag.)  The moral of the story, he ended that call happy as a pig in shit.  I'm glad someone enjoyed our time together.  LOL

And when we get one of the calls we get about twice a week; "Hello?  Can I please speak to the manager?"
I tell them nicely that we are a HOME, not a BUSINESS, and most of the time they apologize and take my name off of whatever list it is that they have in front of them.  Most of the time.

...But not all the time.

Like that time a man called and I told him the exact same thing I've told a hundred people before him (and since him)...we're a home...a family...not a business.
He apologized and explained to me that our phone number was on a callers list for businesses...under the name "China Delight".
Lovely.  We're a Chinese restaurant, apparently.  (That restaurant actually burnt to the ground about three years ago, if not longer.)
I'm glad he took the time to explain why people were calling here, speaking Mandarin, and asking to speak to someone else who spoke Mandarin too.
Anyway, I thought that was the end of the call.

Buddy called back about 20 minutes later.  He told me that he was calling on his own "personal" time, and had enjoyed speaking with me earlier.  He said he wanted to ask me a question.
I just said "okaaaaay...".

He said, "Can I ask you a question?"
At this point I'd regained my senses, and said "I don't think I even want to know what your question is, so I'm going to go with NO."
He asked again.  "Can I ask you a question?"
Me:  "No.  I don't think so."
He spent five minutes telling me how nice I am, and how I have such a nice voice, and told me about ten times how much he'd love to ask his question.
By this point I was annoyed...but still being NICE.
I told him that I had to make the twins their lunch, so I had to say goodbye.  He asked if he could call me again some time.  I told him that I'm normally too busy to answer the phone, so he probably wouldn't get me. With that he finally said goodbye.

I wish I could travel back in time and tell him to be a professional, and to get a life.  But I probably would just end up on the phone with him again...listening to the same crap I listened to the first time.

And my nice-ness doesn't just extend to people trying to sell me something.  It also is given to people I'm trying to sell something some of my baby clothing stash.

Like the guy who called to ask how much I wanted for a pair of baby boots.  They were super soft, and only worn once, and I'd ordered them off of eBay for about $12.  I told him I'd sell them for $5 if he picked them up.  He asked what other items I I gave him a summary...NB girls clothing, or anything for boys from NB to 2T.  I told him that as our youngest outgrew the girls' clothing, they'd be for sale as well.  I (stupidly) told him that I had twins the first time, so we have a butt load of clothes to get rid of.
He told me he has b/g twins too...and then went on to tell me he's a SAHD.  He told me that the clothes were going to be a donation, so he didn't want to spend much.  He SOUNDED nice, so I told him I'd give him a deal if he picked a bunch of things.
He decided to go on and tell me about his twins, and his wife, and he told me she worked a lot.
He told me about taking the kids to the park, and how the women hit on him.
>My red-flag was up here.<
He went on to tell me that the women in  his neighborhood were "too close for comfort", but felt he needed a "special friend".  He told me that I sounded nice, and that he'd love to meet me.  He told me that he thinks every marriage needs a "special friend" to keep it going...

I told him that the kids needed me, and I had to let him go.  I told him I'd email him and we could arrange for him to pick up his items.  Then I hung up.

Okay.  So he (probably)wasn't Tom Cruise.
But Tom Cruise is creepy as!
I swear, I nearly cried.  What a DICK that guy was!!!  I couldn't believe he'd even suggest that...he doesn't even KNOW me!!!  I was losing it, so I ran to the computer and took down all the selling ads I'd put up on Kijiji (our local online selling group...kind of like Craig's List).  I was so upset I called my mom.  And really, she's the LAST person I normally go to in this kind of situation...but I was losing it.

She actually told me what I needed to hear...pull your head out of your ass and tell that guy to take a hike.  Funny enough, he beeped in as I was on the phone with her.  I told her to wait, and I answered the beep.

He said "It's just me, I need your address."

I told him that I wasn't going to be giving it to him, and that I was sorry, but if he was to come here, my husband would rip him a new asshole.  I advised him to find someone else to buy items from.  He apologized (I could hear his wife in the background!!), and told me he won't bother me again.  And thankfully, I haven't heard from him.

Really though, wtf, right?!  I said I was SORRY that I couldn't sell him things, when in fact he scared the shit right out of me.  I was home alone with three kids that night, and the idea of some creepy guy coming to my door...terrifying.

Oh...and you'd think that after these incidents I'd learn to just be a little more assertive, and stop worrying about people not thinking I'm nice...  But nooooo...

Today I ended up on the phone with the man who's house we bought.  He's a Jehovah's Witness.  No biggie, right?  Yeah, right.  I was on the phone with him for 37 minutes...five were in regards to two mattresses he wanted to give away, and I gave him the numbers of two women who wanted them.  The rest of the time he was telling me about his religious beliefs.
He's a nice guy...he means well.  I don't doubt that one bit.  And I love that he loves his religion.  Really.  It's nice to see someone who is living well, and who is HAPPY living their religion.  I love that they are so into it, and that they love it so much they just want to share that joy with everyone they meet.  Even when it comes in the form of ministering to whomever is close enough to hear them.
But seriously.  I have things to do.  And yes, I think he's a nice man, but when he told me that he's going to have to come and see me and "discuss further" the beliefs he holds, I realized that once again, niceness bit me in the ass.  He knows where I'm going to be living.  Forever.

It's become very clear that being nice does not always serve me well.  Sometimes there are going to be those times that being nice is really just being a wimp...and I need to step up and make that choice to be nice to the people that DESERVE it.  And, when the need arises, I need to stop being a wuss and tell people how I feel.

I'll tell you...the NEXT person that calls here and makes me uncomfortable, or the next time I find myself humoring some telemarketer, I'm going to remember writing this post and tell that person that I have better things to do than deal with their shit.  And then I'm going to hang up.  Because being nice for the sake of being nice, even when the person on the other end of that phone does not deserve my kindness, is straight up BS.  And I'm not going to let it piss me off anymore!!!

This post is a reminder to myself that it's just fine to bitch about something, but then the next step is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Change it.

"You're not a tree.  If there's something in your life you don't like, change it."
~Arden Park Hotel sign wisdom.

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