This was borrowed from HERE.
Look at Me When I’m Talking To You!
and if you have to, then help protect my important things until I can use them again.
I've spent too much time worrying about what I'm going to make for dinner, and stressing over the mess my basement is. I know I've missed important details along the way while worrying about things that should not have mattered. I have missed things I should not have missed, and it just destroys me to become this fully aware of it.
I am guilty of allowing myself to become overwhelmed with how I keep getting told things "should be", and instead of enjoying my children in this oh-so-very-important time in their lives, I instead freak out because there are toys scattered across the entire floor of the living room, and random laundry here and there that the kids took off and chucked over their shoulder.
Not only am I finding that all of this is making me fail as a housekeeper, it's also making me feel as though I am failing as a mother. I can't seem to manage to do it all, and the whole thing laid out in front of me is so overwhelming that I just feel like I'm drowning...
Along the way I forgot that there are things more important than following a schedule. And there are things more important than doing everything a certain way because some person you don't even give a flying rat's BEHIND about, tells you that's how it should be.
Along the way I stopped seeing the crickets. I stopped finding joy in super-tall Mega Blocks castles. I stopped enjoying life and started feeling like I was simply maintaining it, at best.
If there is one reason to be thankful for the internet, it's that we can connect with other people who have managed NOT to find themselves buried under a sea of size 4 underpants, and self doubt. And they can light something inside of us that was burnt out by people undeserving of that ability.
I am thankful for this blogger and the post that I copy and pasted above. I am thankful for the opportunity to make tomorrow better than today. And, most of all, I am thankful for the never ending, unconditional love I have from my children. They have been watching me grow right along with them. What I saw in my own life, and what I want them to see, are so very very very different.
I will stumble along the way, but for me, this is a path never taken by my own family, and it's not going to just be easy and natural. It's not what I know. The bumps and bruises I get to my ego or my heart, along the way, will make me the person I want them to be. And hopefully, through watching me trying so hard to be everything to them, and watching me succeed, and seeing me fail and keep on trying, they'll find that the path to this kind of parenting isn't quite as full of brambles as it was when I walked it. Because I led the way. Because someone had to go first.
I end this post with this poem (we all know it!) that now means something much different to me than when I read it in high school.
|Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.|
|1. The Road Not Taken|