Knowing Better and Doing Better...Meghann's Story (With Quote By Victora F.)

"Once I gave birth I opened my heart, soul, and mind. Before giving birth I had my own ideas of what parenthood would be like. Thank goodness I birthed a strong soul who taught me differently." ~Victoria F.

This is a wonderful and inspirational story from a mom who started out a mainstream mom, and who has taken a complete roundabout to become a heart-following natural parent.

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They always say hindsight is 20/20 or when you know better, you do better.  That is definitely true in my case.  

I had worked in a Chiropractors office for a few years and there were already a few things I KNEW I wanted for my children to be.  I wanted to go natural and drug free with my birth.  I wanted a doula to help me achieve that goal.  I didn’t want to vaccinate at all. I wanted my kids to be adjusted from day one.  I wanted to breastfeed and make my own baby food when the time came.  My in-laws took the initiative to talk to us about circumcision and told us to really do our research before deciding.  I was thankful they put themselves out there and talked to us.  Otherwise, we probably would’ve done it….since we didn’t ‘know better’.    But that was the extent of my natural parenting. 

My first son in hospital before he was whisked away.

I had my first son in 2005.   I did it drug-free, so I was fairly happy with my birth experience.  But it was in a hospital and I had a few unfortunate experiences during labour with hospital staff.    We took our son home whole, and then I had no clue what to do.  I breastfed, never enjoying it, but did it because I wasn’t going to give my baby less than what I knew was best.

But that’s where the best kind of stopped.  I started listening to other parents and what their expectations of babies should be.  Are you charting his poops and pees? How’s his weight gain? Is he gaining enough? Better feed him cereal, he seems underweight.  Make sure he eats a certain amount at every meal!  If your baby was fussy he was ‘bad’, if he never cried he was ‘good’.  Don’t hold him too much, then you’ll always need to hold him!  Don’t let that baby sleep in your bed, he needs to learn independence, he’ll become too attached, he’ll be sleeping with you when he’s *gasp* 5 years old!  How will you have a sex life?  Don’t give in to the night crying!...leave him there, he’ll work through it, he needs to self soothe!  Is your baby misbehaving??!...better give him a slap or two so he knows what’s not allowed! 

And so I listened.  

I moved my son at 8 weeks old into his crib.  I’d stand outside the door yearning to grab him when he cried and then the voices from others would ring in the back of my mind “DON’T”!   I’d smack his leg or bum when he misbehaved as early as 7 months.  I cry looking back now, how could I EVER do that?!  It’s a regret I have every day of my life. 

Despite that, he’s turning into a sweet boy, sensitive and nice, but still has anger issues.  I feel it stems back to me and those early, early times.   But we’re working on it in gentle ways. 

Since him, I had another boy, this time born in a birth center, in water, attended by a midwife.  It was so peaceful.   Breastfeeding was a breeze this time around, I actually enjoyed it!  I had learned so much from my midwives during prenatal visits.  Our visits were an HOUR long (compared to 10 minutes with my OBGYN first time around.)  These were the pregnancy and parenting answers I was looking for!  More natural, back to basics type answers.  I learned to relax more and to trust my instincts, and things have gone fairly well. Son number two is a relaxed, laid back kinda guy, loves his mama and is so sweet.

Son two was born in a birthing center.

My support team! Hubby, mother in law, sister in law.

My gorgeous boys .  : )

Baby three was a girl and I had her at home with midwives.  Our way of parenting her is so opposite to our first.  We welcome her in our bed whenever.  She slept with us for the first several months of her life, I couldn't bear to put her in another room.  I still bring her to bed and feed her through the night when she needs.  In fact it’s rare that we ever wake up with just the two of us in bed.  I complain we need a King size bed to fit the 5 of us in there, since the boys are more than welcome to come in whenever they feel the need, and they do nearly every night.   Our daughter has never cried longer than 2 minutes without one of us grabbing her.  You can’t spoil a baby, but you can make them feel like they’re not getting enough love.  We fed her solid foods when SHE was ready, and we did baby-led weaning…so much less stress than pureeing food and making sure she’s getting a certain amount.  She enjoyed everything she ate because it was her choice to eat it!  She will wean from breastfeeding when she’s ready, not on my timetable.  We cloth diaper with her, I don’t know why I didn't think I couldn’t do it with the others, it’s way easier than I thought and I’m secretly addicted to buying cloth!   We've had her spine adjusted since she was a day old.  She’s never had antibiotics or any neurotoxin in her body.  We baby wear her all the time.  She’s never had a drop of formula.  We extend rear-face her car seat now.  The boys were flipped around immediately when they turned 1 and were 20lbs…she’s 24lbs and 15 months, no way we’re flipping her car seat around to forward face yet.  We discipline completely different, much more calmly and gently.  We try to treat our kids how we’d like to be treated.

My daughter’s birth at home with my oldest son and hubby by my side

My amazing midwives and the other important people in my life who I needed there for the event.

With every child I learned something new.  Once I was pregnant with my third, I learned even more . My desire to know as much as I could, led me down all sorts of information pathways.  This has impelled me to make changes in other areas of our life.  We eat better, little or no processed foods, more whole foods, less sugar, no dyes.  We buy organic and pasture-fed when we can.  I've changed all our cleaning products to non-toxic or completely natural.  I've recently made the switch from shampoos and conditioners to baking soda and vinegar!  Hahaha.  I've dumped all my lotions, creams and makeup and opted for coconut oil and minerals.  We've cut out fluoride and bought bamboo toothbrushes.  We un-school and follow our kids desires in learning.  It couldn't be going better.   And I have Facebook largely to thank.  There is a whole community of people who are attached parents…I never had gentle parenting support in the circle of friends I was in.  I learn so much from all my natural living pages and all the attached parents striving to do the best for their kids! I learn every day.


So never stop learning, it can completely change who you are and the kind of parent you’ll become.

Our happy and complete little family.

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My intentions of sharing her story are to give some hope to other people who may not be parenting with their heart.  I know all too well that putting our thoughts into actions sometimes only need something as simple as knowing you're not alone, that you're not crazy for wanting to pick up your crying child.  Sometimes all we need is to know that there are other people who were once where we are, and who are now doing thing differently...doing things better than they were before they knew better...and who are happier (and have happier children) than before.

I believe that we all have the capacity to treat our children as we would want to be treated ourselves, and to love and guide them with respect.  I believe that when we know more, we know better.  And when we know better, we do better.

Thank you Meghann for sharing your story.  xoxo

Breastfeeding Success!! Nikole's Story.

From the time I found out I was pregnant I had planned on breastfeeding, though no one around me thought it was a good idea. My mother-in-law, and three sister-in-laws kept telling me through my entire pregnancy that I would change my mind and that formula was just as good, as mad as it made me I just ignored them. My husband was supportive yet somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of it(its just a man thing i think). During my pregnancy many people got me formula and coupons for it as well, it almost seemed as though they wanted me to fail, but I was determined. On December 13th 2010 at 1:22pm I had a beautiful 8lb 10oz, 20 3/4in baby boy, Adam.

The hospital I was at very much encourages breastfeeding, and all of the nurses were very helpful. But for some reason Adam just wasn't able to latch properly. It was very discouraging. I almost gave up, there were about eight people in our room when Adam started crying, he was hungry, and I tried once again to get him to nurse, and he just couldn't, so I pushed the button and asked for formula. The nurse brought a little bottle and he sucked it down quicker than I could imagine, and sitting there in that room with me were all of those people looking at me and telling me, "You see formula is just easier" and "I told you you'd change your mind", it was heart breaking.

Everyone left and that evening I tried to nurse Adam again, he wouldn't take to it, and I a nurse came in to check on us. She asked how it was going and I told her awful, that i wanted to give up, when my husband stepped in and told me "your not giving up, your going to do this. Forget what my family says, you want to do this, and I know you can!"

That was the best feeling ever to know that he supported me. The nurse tried to help me get Adam latched on, and it just wasn't right. We discovered that I had flat nipples(I know, how could i not know? But its not like I was really comparing mine to others) She suggested a nipple shield, its a silicone cover that goes over your nipple, you moisten it and it suctions to your body, and as the baby sucks on the shield it pulls your nipple out and the baby feeds through the shield. So my husband goes to the store in search of this. He comes back with it, and not three minutes later, I'm nursing my son for the first time, and i must say its one of my proudest moments.
For the next three months Adam needed to use the nipple shield when he ate. It was a hassle but breastfeeding is worth it. I don't know how I would have gotten through those months if it weren't for my friend Angie. She lives in MD and I live in LA, but she really helped me through every time I felt like giving up. When Adam was about 3 months old I went to a La Leche meeting while I was visiting family in MD, I talked to the consultant about the problem that I had and she gave me a few tips. So that night I tried and after a little work, Adam latched on without the shield, and though he only ate for just a moment without it it gave me hope that he could learn. So for the next three weeks I would try to start the feeding without the shield and then when he refused to eat without it I would put it on. Gradually he would eat without it for a minute more, and two then four. And finally one evening he went through the entire feeding without it. After that I only used the shield at night(we co sleep and I just allow him to latch on and I would fall back asleep) after about two weeks of only using it at night he started refusing the shield all together and we haven't looked back!
Adam is now eight months old and still nursing. My husbands family doesn't like it, they think he is to old but I am planning on nursing for as long as he wants.
Breastfeeding creates a bond that is those who haven't done it wouldn't understand and those who have cant explain. Any problem you encounter with breastfeeding, can be fixed, all you have to do is find the right person to help you through it.
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I want to thank Nikole for sharing her story here.  You're a fantastic momma, and your son is as lucky to have you for his mommy as you are to have him as your son.  xoxo