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| How could anyone say this is manipulation?! |
"I don't want a spoiled baby, so when she cries for me in the night, I leave her until she's fallen back to sleep. I wouldn't want her to think that every time she makes a fuss, I'm going to come running to her side. I did that with my first child, and he's a spoiled brat. I'm not going to make that mistake again! Plus, my parents used the CIO method with me, and I turned out okay. I don't care what "science" says, I'm doing it. I need my sleep. If I don't sleep, I'm not happy. And a happy mommy makes a happy baby. And when she's older, like 17 months, she CAN manipulate me, and I don't want her always thinking she's going to get her way. Sorry, but that's the truth. And by the time she's two, she'll be happy to go to bed, because she regulated her own sleep schedule...and she can soothe herself without me having to go in and hold her, or rock her. I hate holding my kids while they fall asleep, and all of this "needing me" is too much. I need time for myself too, you know. People that tell me that her CIO is going to "damage" her are only judging me. No one has the right to tell me how to parent my own kids. They're MINE, and I'm going to do what I like to them."
Are you freaking kidding me????? Seriously, it's enough to make me gag. If you don't think your child is going to need you during the night/when you're making dinner/when you're watching a movie...you're freakin wrong. If it's inconvenient for you to stop, pick up your child, and actually give them the love they need and crave, DON'T BREED. GET A FISH.
I'm telling you, there are a few things that really piss me off, and hearing the excuses from moms who make their child CIO is just one of the things that push me right over the edge. Children NEED our love. They NEED us to pick them up, hold them, make them feel safe and secure, and help them soothe themselves. Our children deserve to be treated as well as we want to be treated ourselves, or how we would treat our best friend.
I'm no expert, but I would think that if those women were put in a room crying, left there and ignored, they probably wouldn't appreciate it. I think they'd be especially irritated if someone then decided to say that their genuine tears were a tool of manipulation...just one more reason not to "cave in" to them...that showing compassion for their feelings would then "spoil" them.
And what if they couldn't talk? What if they couldn't say "I'm hot/hungry/afraid", or "I can't sleep and I just want to be near you?" If all they had were their cries, would it be wrong to ignore them because going to them was inconvenient, or someone was afraid it would mean they were "letting them have their way all the time"?? Of course it would be! And I'm no expert, but if a friend treated me that way, they'd be gone...out of my life. I wouldn't want a friend like that!!! I would also not want to have that person as a friend, I don't think many people would. I think that person would find themselves alone. (Perhaps crying in the dark?) That would be sad.
These children are our future. They deserve BETTER than we had. They deserve to benefit from all of our knew knowledge, to be allowed to cry when they need us, and for those cries to be answered by the loving person they have grown to trust. We don't get to go back and change the way we did things. That's a fact. But we can change the way we do things from this moment on. There's always room for improvement, always room for growth. Even if you have let your child(ren) CIO in the past, you don't have to let it keep happening. Parent with your heart, and it won't even be an option.
Where I have always stood on this:
I have had 3 children, the first two came together, and never once have I forced any of my children to CIO. When they cry, I cannot ignore them. The instinct I have to go to them is so strong that once, when the twins were babies, my husband warned my FIL to get out of my way if the twins started crying, for fear he'd lose a limb if it was in my path as I ran to them. I had no science telling me it was damaging. I only let my heart lead the way.
And what if they couldn't talk? What if they couldn't say "I'm hot/hungry/afraid", or "I can't sleep and I just want to be near you?" If all they had were their cries, would it be wrong to ignore them because going to them was inconvenient, or someone was afraid it would mean they were "letting them have their way all the time"?? Of course it would be! And I'm no expert, but if a friend treated me that way, they'd be gone...out of my life. I wouldn't want a friend like that!!! I would also not want to have that person as a friend, I don't think many people would. I think that person would find themselves alone. (Perhaps crying in the dark?) That would be sad.
These children are our future. They deserve BETTER than we had. They deserve to benefit from all of our knew knowledge, to be allowed to cry when they need us, and for those cries to be answered by the loving person they have grown to trust. We don't get to go back and change the way we did things. That's a fact. But we can change the way we do things from this moment on. There's always room for improvement, always room for growth. Even if you have let your child(ren) CIO in the past, you don't have to let it keep happening. Parent with your heart, and it won't even be an option.
Where I have always stood on this:
I have had 3 children, the first two came together, and never once have I forced any of my children to CIO. When they cry, I cannot ignore them. The instinct I have to go to them is so strong that once, when the twins were babies, my husband warned my FIL to get out of my way if the twins started crying, for fear he'd lose a limb if it was in my path as I ran to them. I had no science telling me it was damaging. I only let my heart lead the way.
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| Don't ignore your instincts to love, protect, hold, and soothe your baby whenever they need it. |
More links to information about CIO methods:
Dr.Ben Kim: "Cry It Out: The potential dangers of leaving your baby to cry".
Canada.com: "Crying It Out May Damage Baby's Brain" (From the National Post)
Canada.com: "Crying It Out May Damage Baby's Brain" (From the National Post)
Thank you for sharing this opinion! I hope this helps many mothers. I am grateful for the one friend I had to encourage me to comfort when everyone else said to CIO. I tried it once and I regret that 10 min I lost that I could have been holding my son.
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