Children Do NOT NEED To Be Spanked!!!

Well, you know I'm going to snap, right??  This has been going around for a couple of days, and it's getting to me.  REALLY getting to me.  Not JUST the picture.  But the ignorant comments that come with it.

"I had my ass beat, and I turned out okay".  Well, no you really didn't.  You became someone that believes that hitting someone 1/4 of your size, and who trusts you fully to protect them, is perfectly fine and acceptable.  And not only that, you brag about it.  So no.  You're not "okay".  You were damaged, and you're continuing the cycle of abuse that was done to you.  
The fact is that children don't think much about what they say, at different times of their lives.  Sometimes their (developmental) inability to put the thoughts and feelings of other before their own does come across as "bullying".  Sometimes it comes across as being "disrespectful".

Sometimes kids act out, even when they KNOW that their behavior is inappropriate, and unacceptable.  But then...so do a lot of adults I've known in my life...so...apparently "taking away the rights" of parents to "beat" their children's asses did not work all that well for them after all...

Hitting a child who is upset, or acting out is never the answer.  Not ever.  As adults, we have the ability to control our emotions, and our actions.  Most children do not.  It's taught over time, and if children never grow up seeing it in action, how the hell are they going to learn it?!

And, my final comment (before I go all bat-shit crazy), is that children have rights too.  The right to feel safe, and to BE safe.  The right to say no.  The right to disagree with us.  Children have the right to ACT LIKE CHILDREN.  They have the right to live in a home where they're raised with love, not fear.  Because fear does not create respect.  It creates anger.  And these blessings you were given deserve better than that.

Love them like you wish you were loved.  Pretty simple.

Welcome To Irritation Nation.

I'm sure by now you've realized things irritate me.  A lot.  Especially when people fail to recognize that their children have RIGHTS.

They are smaller than we are, and that means it's our job to protect them from harm.
When they can't talk, it doesn't mean they shouldn't have a say in what happens to their own bodies.
Their voices are quieter than ours, so that means it's up to us to make sure they're heard.


Children have the right to not only feel safe, but to BE safe.  They have the right to unconditional love.  They have the right to voice their opinions.  They have the right to be angry.  They have the right to be happy and to sing as loud as they want.  They have the right to live without fear.  They have the right to have everything they need, and some of the things they want.  They have the right to an education, no matter what form that comes in.  They have the right to bodily autonomy.  They have the right to say no, and for that to mean something!  They have the right to clean clothes, a warm house, and food at EVERY meal.  They have the right to have parents that are excited to see them, and who take joy in those little moments that shape them into who they're going to be as adults.  Children have the right to make choices for themselves, as long as they aren't going to get hurt.  Children have the right to play.  Children have the right to be treated the way we expect to be treated...as human beings with feelings.

When I see things like this...it was in regards to piercing a baby's ears...

...it irritates me.  She states clearly that it was "against her will".  Lovely parenting there.  And you know why she didn't touch them?  Getting your ears pierced HURTS, and she probably did touch them as soon as it was done, and was afraid to touch them again!

I generally try to keep my nose out of "Would You Pierce Your Daughter's Ears?" discussions because I tend to get so mad I have to stay of the computer for a week until I know that thread is loooong gone.

FTR, my stance on it...


NO, I WOULD NEVER HAVE ANYONE PUNCH A HOLE IN MY CHILD'S PERFECT EARS AGAINST THEIR WILL.  EVER.


I have four holes in each ear.  I got the first ones when I was...about 5, I think.  And I wanted them.  Well, atleast I thought I did.  My mom had cut my hair in that boy-style that was oh-so-popular in the '80s, and people were asking me if I was a boy.  (I was a hater of pink, so my clothes were all blue or brown.)
I asked my mom to get my ears pierced so people would stop asking me if I was a boy.  It hurt my feelings.  So, being a good mom, she took me.
(Could have just STOPPED CUTTING MY HAIR, but whatever...)

Anyways, I got them pierced.  I wanted to stop after the first ear, but my mom (and grandma) made me get the other one done.  My mom told me that I'd had one done already, I HAD to get the other one done.

FTR, I would NEVER make my child get the 2nd ear done if they decided after the first one, that they wanted to stop.  It's effing MEAN.

Well, as much as that memory irritates me, I did go on to get three more holes in each ear...as an adult.  


But is that to say I would want the same for my girls?  (Or my son for that matter?)  Not a chance.  I love their little ears exactly like they are.  They're perfect.  And I'm not going to alter my children's bodies to look like mine...or my husbands...or anyone's.


If they want their ears pierced they will not only have to be able to want them, but they have to be old enough to understand that it IS going to hurt, that they CAN get infected, and be able to care for them themselves.  There will be no 5 year olds getting pierced in this house!

I know it's "just ear piercing", and that this is probably going to piss off a few people, but I just can't take it anymore!  Children are not our PROPERTY.  They are not ours to change.  We should be protecting them from unnecessary pain, and telling them that they are perfect exactly as they were made.  And the fact is that ears DO get infected.  It DOES hurt.  And every time I see a little baby with earrings, it makes me sad.

So if you want to get angry because I'm speaking out about this, go ahead.  Be mad.  I can't stop you, and you have the right to whatever feelings you have.  But so do I.  

Children have the right to believe that they were born perfect...because they WERE.

Forgetting That Children Have Rights

Child Camel Jockeys

The trafficking of young children for forced labor is one of the fastest growing areas in international crime. A study by the Ansar Burney Trust found that child trafficking has picked up considerable momentum over the past few years and one of the most disturbing roles these children were being forced into were those of camel jockeys.

The Ansar Burney Trust has for the last 16 years been working to bring to an end the cruel and atrocious act of using innocent young boys as camel jockeys in the Arab world. These children, some as young as 4 years old, are forced to work up to 18 hours a day in the scorching heat of the deserts.

The child who cannot stay awake for the 18 hours of gruelling work is given a “karba” (electric shock), while those who decide to disobey orders or play games are beaten and tortured. Stories of cruelty inflicted on many of the children rescued by Ansar Burney Trust involved them being tied up in chains in the desert heat, beaten with metal rods and leather whips, cut with blades and being raped by their “owners”.

They are deliberately underfed and malnourished to keep their weigh down and allow the camel on which they ride to run faster. Some are fed only three biscuits a day with water, while others are given dirty and unhygienic food – worse than what is fed to the camels. If that does not bring their weight down, they are forced to wear metal helmets to make them bleed and reduce weight that way.

Another reason that very young children are used is the fact that when scared or in pain – they scream; and the louder the child screams in pain the faster the camel to which he is strapped will run.

The children are fastened to the camels with Velcro, but the ride is so rough that many fall and are gravely injured – dying a few days later due to the lack of medical attention or care. Some die on the spot by being crushed under the feet of racing camels and some are even killed by the owners of the camps because they wanted to leave. Those who survive, bare scars of their torment and permanent disabilities.

We estimate that as of last year, there were more than 20,000 children working as camel jockeys all over the Middle East – majority of whom had been smuggled from South Asia and Africa.

A Glimmer of Hope

UAE: In November 2004, Mr. Ansar Burney met with His Highness Sheikh Mohammad bin Zayed Al Nahyan, Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi and Deputy Supreme Commander of the UAE Armed Forces. At the meeting a decision was taken by the UAE leadership to ban the use of underage camel jockeys and enforce the law with a punishment of fine and imprisonment. A centre was established a week later in Abu Dhabi under the authority of Ansar Burney Trust; it has the capacity to house 400 children and provide them with clean food and clothing, a good education, excellent medical treatment and a safe shelter. After 4 months, these children are to be repatriated back to their home countries.

Qatar: In May 2005, the Government of Qatar has announced severe punishments on the use of underage children as camel jockeys and ordered to replace them with robots. The Qatari government and the Ansar Burney Trust plan to establish a centre in Qatar for the treatment and rehabilitation of the children rescued from camps in the country.

Examples to follow: The Ansar Burney Trust is currently in the process of persuading other Middle Eastern countries to follow the example set by Qatar and the UAE; and ban the use of underage children as camel jockeys.

For more information,. please click here

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Amazing from the moment of conception.

I came across this story when I was looking up "Children's Rights".  This is only one of several horrible stories on the same website of the lack of compassion being shown to the world's children.  (Find the website HERE.)

This type of thing just shows that we're living in a world that doesn't understand that children have the exact same rights to freedom, compassion, love, and life, that adults have.  It also shows me just how blessed we are that some of us DO recognize their value and rights.  Children are a gift.  They deserve to be treated as such.  And, as any other gift we're given, they can be taken away.  Having children isn't a right...it's a privilege.
I wanted to make people aware that this shit even exists.  It's easy to live our own lives completely ignorant about these events.  (I sure didn't know about this before today!)
As a whole we need to work together to make people aware of the way children are treated across the globe.  We can peacefully parent our own children, and slowly that is going to make a difference in the world we live in.  But this message...that children are a blessing, and they need protection no matter where they're born, or what their gender...it needs to be shouted from the rooftop!
Children deserve the very best, starting the second they are conceived.  No child should ever have to feel the pain of being circumcised.  No child should ever have to be afraid, to be hurt, to be neglected...
And, if there's one thing I will continue to do as long as I live, it's to stand up for those who cannot speak, and those who's voice is so small that it's easily ignored. "Greatest Love Of All"

I believe the children are our are future 
Teach them well and let them lead the way 
Show them all the beauty they possess inside 
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be 
Everybody searching for a hero 
People need someone to look up to...

This Is Tough Work

You know, I had no idea before I became an "intactivist" (2nd definition is perfect!) that there were these wonderful people out there that spent their time and money trying to educate people about the facts surrounding circumcision.  I didn't know that anyone would care enough about another person's child's bodily integrity that they would actually speak up and tell those parents the truth.  I thought it was pretty much a parent's choice, and that everyone else felt that way too.  And to be completely honest, I didn't think there was much choice involved, even from the parents.  I thought it was something people just did.

Since having my own son (and daughter, lets not forget about Eewie...they both did enter our family the same day), and having to listen to those babies in the NICU screaming...since making a choice to let him choose for himself, my world has opened up.  I've learned that people can, and DO speak up when they see parents making uninformed decisions about their child's bodies.  I have learned that it's really a lot more than just a handful of concerned nurses who are speaking out.  It's regular people.  Like me.  Like you.  And a lot of them were probably people who were also raised believing that it was just something you do.  Or that father and son need matching penises.  Or they believed that cutting a part of their son's genitals off would somehow give it super powers and protect their son from STDs (including HIV).  It's amazing how a little education can change things so drastically.

During the last week I've had to see (and be part of) some very upsetting things go down in the name of "intactivism".  I've seen a beautiful and strong genital autonomy activist deal with crap I wouldn't wish on anyone, just because she extended her hand to help a family who posted openly on a social networking site about their son's upcoming circumcision.  They claimed he had phimosis, yet was still only a very young child (I believe they said he was 2 1/2, so it's not phimosis, it's NORMAL fusion.)  The people she tried to help went on to attack her, and steal her profile picture...  It was a mess.  All because she was trying to do a good thing and save both them, and that little boy, the pain of an unnecessary surgery. 

I have personally had to deal with some high school drama because I refused to turn my head and ignore racist, bigoted, ignorant comments from a fellow "intactivist".  The day I allow things like that to go on without standing up and calling them on it, is the day I'm under the dirt.  And so, because I stood up for what was right, it made me a little bit unpopular with some of the "in" crowd. 

The truth is that I firmly believe that I would rather fight for what's right ALONE, than to fight in a group surrounded by people, and always have to look over my shoulder to make sure none of them are wielding a knife aimed at my back.


No less than 3 days before that bullshit, a woman who I've had on my friends list for close to a year (we met in my twins group on Facebook), had both of her twin boys circumcised.  Even though I sent her a shitload of information.  Even though more than once she thanked me for the info and told me that she was glad that someone was speaking up and telling her that it didn't NEED to be done...no one had ever approached her about it  before, and she thought it was "just something people did."  I had a lot of hope in her...a lot of faith that she would read these articles, look at all of the information, and protect her sons.  Instead she posted photos of herself with a huge clown-sized smile, from the hospital...as her sons were being prepped for surgery.  (They went from having "phimosis", to "chordee", to "hypospadias".)  I have a feeling what they actually had was a mother who didn't want to explain to her 4 other sons why the twins were left intact and they weren't, and a Dr. who was willing to say whatever he had to say to get the foreskin off of those boys.

As it turned out, there were at least two other women who had been trying to save these boys from that woman.  And as much as people don't want to say it, I don't know now if we ever had a chance of saving them.  Even as a born-again Christian, she seems to think that her and that foreskin-hunter Dr. of hers know better than God.  Please explain that one to me.

So this week my feelings of solidarity in my intactivism were kind of shaken.  And even one of our very strongest, most influential mommas had enough and took a break.  I just read her post yesterday, after starting this one, and you know, if nothing else, it made me feel just a little less alone.

When people get to the point in their lives that they feel that THEY are the most important "intactivist" out there, they need a reality check.  And when those of us fighting the same battle decide to turn on each other, it weakens us all as a unit.  We shouldn't have to worry that other people on our team are talking behind our backs, or scheming against us.  But we do, because it's a very sad reality.  What we need to be doing is supporting each other, holding each other up when things get tough, and celebrating with each other when thing are going well.  I wish I saw more of that.  Sometimes all we need is to know we're not alone.  And I love when I see us work together as a unit, working towards something.  It reminds me of when I first got into this.  It reminds me of how it's supposed to be.

I'll never stay quiet when a baby is born to parents that think his foreskin is "just a little skin".  I'll never worry more about my popularity than I do about human rights.  I'll never apologize to an adult for looking out for the best interests of a child.  And I'll never throw my hands up and walk away forever...though I WILL take a break when I need to, as often as I need to.  Sometimes a few days being surrounded by the people in my life who I love, and who love me for exactly who I am, is just what I need...what my SOUL needs.  Because even though the people I am supposed to be fighting WITH, sometimes forget we're all on the same team (or perhaps forget that we're all actually human beings behind our computer screens), and all have things going on in our real lives, and we don't need their crap too.  And, for that reason, I won't add to the insanity.  I have hit an emotional limit.  If I want to be able to help people, I need to be strong myself.  And as my son says, I need to "fill my gas tank".  (Only I need mine filled with hugs and kisses, not freezies.)

I will stand up and fight for the HUMAN RIGHTS of others.  I don't care if you're still inside of your mother, or laying on your death bed.  I don't care if you live here, or half a world away.  I don't care if you love someone who is the same sex as you are, or if you love a person of another gender.  I don't care if your skin is light, dark, or somewhere in between.  I don't care if you wear a cross or a hajib.  I don't care if you pray to a god, or if you don't believe in a god at all.  If your human rights are in question, I am your girl.  I will stand up for you, fight with you, and speak out.  Doing the right thing is never wrong.

So, this post is for all of the people out there, fighting for what's right. I know all too well that this isn't as easy as people might think. I know that there are times that it would be easier to be quiet, and worry only about our own lives. I know it might be easier to ignore what's going on around us, and pretend we don't know what's being done to these babies in our silence. And I do understand that there are always going to be people who say ignorant comments about other religious groups. But I can't ignore it, and won't apologize...I'm doing what's right, and if that makes me unpopular, SO BE IT.  No one ever said this was going to be easy.  To those in this with me, I want  you to know that I was searching for a picture of a guardian angel, but could only find one with a female angel...and I know a good part of you are male.  But I do see all of you that way.  Watching over the ones that can't speak for themselves.  And the majority of the time, I'm proud to be one of you.

"Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it." Rabindranath Tagore