Damaged Boobies...again, that's the warning.

Every time I hear a mom talk about breastfeeding like it's all roses and sunbeams, I have to laugh.  I wish she was right, I wish it was always just "soooo lovely", but it's not.  Sometimes there are things that happen that have have had me describe it as torture, or worse yet, "bodily disfigurement"

The most funny part of all of this is that when I breastfed my son (he's 3 1/2 now), things really were (mostly) rainbows and butterflies.  It was just easy.  Well, easiER.  He was about 12 weeks old before he was exclusively being breastfed, so maybe it was those 12 weeks of pumping that really made my boob appreciate not being stretched to unimaginable lengths.  (Haven't used a hospital-grade pump?  Put that on your bucket list. There's really nothing that will make you get that HOLY HELL! look on your face faster.)  

I'll admit that I still haven't had the moment of memory removal happen...not to get off topic here, but I'm pretty sure that there is a point that every mom's memory wipes clean any bad memories that EVER happened during their child's life...which is why, when their children have their own kids, moms can look their children in the eye and say "you never did anything like that...you were SOOOOO good!"  Even though we know it's NOT true because WE can still remember it.  (All kids come with some kind of issue, at some point.  It's part of BEING a kid!)

Anyways, back to where I'm going with this.  I haven't forgotten yet, all of those days that I breastfed my son through gritted teeth because the feeling was just annoying.  I wish I had a better word for it, but I don't know if there is one.  It irritated me.  Not the snuggling.  Not the touching.  Just the nursing.  And I know I'm not alone.  I've read it from other moms too.  Maybe my monthly was coming up, or whatever.  Who cares.  The fact remains that there were times that just the feeling of him nursing made me agitated.  And I kept going because one day of being uncomfortable was not enough to stop me.  I was a woman on a mission.

But other than those few times of feeling like I'd have happily torn my boob off just so he could nurse and I wouldn't have to feel it, it was peaches and icecream.  (LOL, can you tell I haven't had coffee yet...what's with the crazy comparisons?!)  I never had any real problems with him...nothing like this time around.  I took Domperidone like it was candy, but meh...had do do what I had to do.  When I stopped breastfeeding him, that was a TERRIBLE day.  I felt like shit.  HE didn't care...but I did.  I realized that it was all that I knew too, and there were tears (mine).  (That's a story for another day.)

So when I had my baby 14 months ago (she's 14 months now!), I felt like the winner of a race because she was born healthy, and was on my boob within a few minutes of being born.  She nursed.  She slept.  She nursed.  She slept.  Good stuff...right?

NOT SO MUCH.

After going into it feeling like things would be perfect, I didn't watch to make sure she was nursing correctly.  I didn't CARE, I just assumed that because she was happy, all was well in the world.

They had TOLD me right after she was born that she had a mild tounge-tie, and I laughed in the face of it.  HAHAHA!  My son is severely tounge-tied, and I managed 22 months.  A mild tounge-tie wasn't going to stop me!  BRING IT ON!

It was about a week after we came home from the hospital that my boobs nipples, started to HURT.

A LOT.

They didn't crack...but they bled. Ugh. (WTF?! I'm a freakin expert!!)  I ended up having to switch boobs for each feed, depending on that stupid boob of mine to do what it had to do...which at first it seemed to.  (But they drink very little at first, right?)

After I finally got the pain and bleeding under control, I saw what had happened.  I drew you a picture to show you what I'm talking about.

She sucked the skin off the entire end of my nipple!  GAH!!!

Yeah.  Well it's been many months since the original injury, and it still looks like it did right after it happened.  Not raw, but still...disfigured.  The normal skin is thicker, and so it's raised up a bit from the "new skin".  It looks weird.  Like there's a step from the end of my nipple to the top of it.

Good times.

I have to say, when I hear moms complain about "cracked nipples", I have made that pffttt! noise.  I want to say "Cracked nipples?  You want to see damaged nipples?  I'll show you damaged nipples!"
But I don't.  It's not helpful.  And if someone had of said something like that to me when my boobs were bleeding, I'd probably have karate chopped them in the neck!  (And I'm pretty sure I'd have gotten away with it too!!)  Daily I have to remind myself that in that moment the only thing that will help that mom is some encouragement.  And maybe some empathy.  Because, in reality, it's those painful moments that a mom just needs someone to get her through...and the response she gets could make or break that breastfeeding relationship.

I would never want to be responsible for a baby missing out on breastmilk.  I'm pretty sure a huge boob would drop out of the sky and squash me.  You know.  Like it was sent from the Breast Goddess, or something.

So that's my story of nipple trauma.  Lovely, eh?

Oh.  And before I say goodbye, it turns out my Baby Piranha has a severe lip tie.  No one told me about it.  It wasn't until I saw a photo posted on my wall by...Peaceful Parenting?  (I can't remember now.)  So I checked my kids.
Big Boy doesn't have one....just a severe tongue-tie.
Ooey Gooey DOES have one, plus a tongue-tie (more severe than the baby's).  Which really explains a lot!
And Baby Piranha (which she will now be known as), has a severe lip tie, and a mild tongue tie.

Baby Piranha's lip tie.

Amazing how easily things are explained with a few facts.  

A Boobie Post...Yes, that's the warning.

Yeah, so ignoring the fact that I may lose a couple of followers after this post, I will tell you the truth.  My boobs HURT.
It's not that "I'm-so-engorged-I-think-they-may-explode" kind of hurt.  It's the "my-baby-bit-me-and-broke-the-skin-on-my-nipple" kind of hurt.
I sometimes feel like I'm breastfeeding a piranha...or maybe a member of THIS family.  
I normally wouldn't make a whole post dedicated to the AGONY of having a bite hole in the side of my nipple, but I'm making an exception this time.

I'm preeeetty sure this is my daughter.

Baby Girl is on the boob about 30 times a day, if not more, these days.  She will hardly drink water, and completely refuses any other liquids.  I am most certainly having supply issues, but I'm working on that.  I thought maybe if I was making more milk for her, she'd get her fill and give my poor boobs a break for a few extra minutes.  I even started taking more Domperidone, just hoping for a little help until I can sprout these Fenugreek Seeds.  So far, nothing is helping.

The truth is that I know that she's teething.  Two at once, on the top.  And the gums where the bottom two haven't come in yet are super hard.  She'll get them anytime too.  She's even got a lovely rash on her face, which she's NEVER had before.  Our Realtor (a friend of the family) told me that both of her boys had the same rash when teething...but it's new for me.  And for Baby Girl.  She has my complete sympathy.  I have had too many toothaches to even count, and to be a baby with a sore mouth...I can't imagine how much that sucks for her.  I know she's nursing for comfort, and if it's all I can do to really keep her from crying, I'll do it.

On top of the damaged nipple thing, there's the issue of my boobs themselves.  Oh, I'm not going to go too into it...but I WILL say that I nursed my son for more than 16 months on one boob.  If I can nurse a 22 month old porkchop on one boob, anyone can!  I don't know how common it is, but it's like one boob just doesn't understand that it's supposed to be making milk.  Super annoying.  (I had every intention of posting a picture of something clever to go with this part of the post, and ended up seeing some of the most INSANE breast pictures EVER.  I wish I had Brain Bleach to erase the image of those Volvo-sized boobs...)

Anyways... this is more of a post to let people know that even though I'm no rookie, this isn't always easy for me either.  I think the biggest lie anyone has ever told was that breastfeeding is "always so natural and beautiful", because sometimes it is JUST NOT.  It's not always rainbows and unicorns.  There are times it's torture.  Like now.

Well, that's what it feel like!

And I'm no super-hero.  I have those thoughts I'm sure other moms have had...and it's all caused by the soft-tissue trauma going on under my shirt.  LOL  These days I sometimes wish my baby would just drink water out of that Dora sippy cup and leave my poor damaged boobie alone.  And sometimes I wish that my other boob would step it up and do what it's supposed to be doing, not just hanging around doing nothing all day.  (MOOCH!)  Oh, and then there's the times I wish my husband could breastfeed her...just a couple of times...even just one day.  Just to give my boob a break.  But noooooo....I guess I'm not married to THIS GUY.  My boob hurts so much, that guy is starting to look pretty good right now.  LOL!

But as much as I bitch (and I do), I'll keep going.  I'll keep nursing that little tooth-monster until she weans herself.  Logically I know it's what's best for her, and logic has to outweigh my desire instinct to HEAD FOR THE HILLS everytime she comes up and says "Bub bub".

Even if breastfeeding didn't have any health benefits, it makes her happy.  I knew a long time ago that I would do whatever I have to do to make sure she's happy...chewed nipple or not.    (And because there are too many health benefits to ignore, my logic-based brain has to do what needs to be done, no matter what.)

Teething can't be easy for them.  I know those teeth aren't being easy on me, and I'm an adult!  So I'm going to suck it up and continue to put her best interest before my own.  I just had to complain for a minute.  I (almost) feel better...

Ugh.  It's almost bedtime...my boob hurts just thinking about it!  >.<

This too shall pass...this too shall pass...this too shall pass...

Maybe in another post I'll tell you about the damage she did in the first week after her birth!  Aughhh!!!

*Sorry for talking about my boobs.  It could be worse, I guess.  I could have named them.  LOL