Damaged Boobies...again, that's the warning.

Every time I hear a mom talk about breastfeeding like it's all roses and sunbeams, I have to laugh.  I wish she was right, I wish it was always just "soooo lovely", but it's not.  Sometimes there are things that happen that have have had me describe it as torture, or worse yet, "bodily disfigurement"

The most funny part of all of this is that when I breastfed my son (he's 3 1/2 now), things really were (mostly) rainbows and butterflies.  It was just easy.  Well, easiER.  He was about 12 weeks old before he was exclusively being breastfed, so maybe it was those 12 weeks of pumping that really made my boob appreciate not being stretched to unimaginable lengths.  (Haven't used a hospital-grade pump?  Put that on your bucket list. There's really nothing that will make you get that HOLY HELL! look on your face faster.)  

I'll admit that I still haven't had the moment of memory removal happen...not to get off topic here, but I'm pretty sure that there is a point that every mom's memory wipes clean any bad memories that EVER happened during their child's life...which is why, when their children have their own kids, moms can look their children in the eye and say "you never did anything like that...you were SOOOOO good!"  Even though we know it's NOT true because WE can still remember it.  (All kids come with some kind of issue, at some point.  It's part of BEING a kid!)

Anyways, back to where I'm going with this.  I haven't forgotten yet, all of those days that I breastfed my son through gritted teeth because the feeling was just annoying.  I wish I had a better word for it, but I don't know if there is one.  It irritated me.  Not the snuggling.  Not the touching.  Just the nursing.  And I know I'm not alone.  I've read it from other moms too.  Maybe my monthly was coming up, or whatever.  Who cares.  The fact remains that there were times that just the feeling of him nursing made me agitated.  And I kept going because one day of being uncomfortable was not enough to stop me.  I was a woman on a mission.

But other than those few times of feeling like I'd have happily torn my boob off just so he could nurse and I wouldn't have to feel it, it was peaches and icecream.  (LOL, can you tell I haven't had coffee yet...what's with the crazy comparisons?!)  I never had any real problems with him...nothing like this time around.  I took Domperidone like it was candy, but meh...had do do what I had to do.  When I stopped breastfeeding him, that was a TERRIBLE day.  I felt like shit.  HE didn't care...but I did.  I realized that it was all that I knew too, and there were tears (mine).  (That's a story for another day.)

So when I had my baby 14 months ago (she's 14 months now!), I felt like the winner of a race because she was born healthy, and was on my boob within a few minutes of being born.  She nursed.  She slept.  She nursed.  She slept.  Good stuff...right?

NOT SO MUCH.

After going into it feeling like things would be perfect, I didn't watch to make sure she was nursing correctly.  I didn't CARE, I just assumed that because she was happy, all was well in the world.

They had TOLD me right after she was born that she had a mild tounge-tie, and I laughed in the face of it.  HAHAHA!  My son is severely tounge-tied, and I managed 22 months.  A mild tounge-tie wasn't going to stop me!  BRING IT ON!

It was about a week after we came home from the hospital that my boobs nipples, started to HURT.

A LOT.

They didn't crack...but they bled. Ugh. (WTF?! I'm a freakin expert!!)  I ended up having to switch boobs for each feed, depending on that stupid boob of mine to do what it had to do...which at first it seemed to.  (But they drink very little at first, right?)

After I finally got the pain and bleeding under control, I saw what had happened.  I drew you a picture to show you what I'm talking about.

She sucked the skin off the entire end of my nipple!  GAH!!!

Yeah.  Well it's been many months since the original injury, and it still looks like it did right after it happened.  Not raw, but still...disfigured.  The normal skin is thicker, and so it's raised up a bit from the "new skin".  It looks weird.  Like there's a step from the end of my nipple to the top of it.

Good times.

I have to say, when I hear moms complain about "cracked nipples", I have made that pffttt! noise.  I want to say "Cracked nipples?  You want to see damaged nipples?  I'll show you damaged nipples!"
But I don't.  It's not helpful.  And if someone had of said something like that to me when my boobs were bleeding, I'd probably have karate chopped them in the neck!  (And I'm pretty sure I'd have gotten away with it too!!)  Daily I have to remind myself that in that moment the only thing that will help that mom is some encouragement.  And maybe some empathy.  Because, in reality, it's those painful moments that a mom just needs someone to get her through...and the response she gets could make or break that breastfeeding relationship.

I would never want to be responsible for a baby missing out on breastmilk.  I'm pretty sure a huge boob would drop out of the sky and squash me.  You know.  Like it was sent from the Breast Goddess, or something.

So that's my story of nipple trauma.  Lovely, eh?

Oh.  And before I say goodbye, it turns out my Baby Piranha has a severe lip tie.  No one told me about it.  It wasn't until I saw a photo posted on my wall by...Peaceful Parenting?  (I can't remember now.)  So I checked my kids.
Big Boy doesn't have one....just a severe tongue-tie.
Ooey Gooey DOES have one, plus a tongue-tie (more severe than the baby's).  Which really explains a lot!
And Baby Piranha (which she will now be known as), has a severe lip tie, and a mild tongue tie.

Baby Piranha's lip tie.

Amazing how easily things are explained with a few facts.  

A Boobie Post...Yes, that's the warning.

Yeah, so ignoring the fact that I may lose a couple of followers after this post, I will tell you the truth.  My boobs HURT.
It's not that "I'm-so-engorged-I-think-they-may-explode" kind of hurt.  It's the "my-baby-bit-me-and-broke-the-skin-on-my-nipple" kind of hurt.
I sometimes feel like I'm breastfeeding a piranha...or maybe a member of THIS family.  
I normally wouldn't make a whole post dedicated to the AGONY of having a bite hole in the side of my nipple, but I'm making an exception this time.

I'm preeeetty sure this is my daughter.

Baby Girl is on the boob about 30 times a day, if not more, these days.  She will hardly drink water, and completely refuses any other liquids.  I am most certainly having supply issues, but I'm working on that.  I thought maybe if I was making more milk for her, she'd get her fill and give my poor boobs a break for a few extra minutes.  I even started taking more Domperidone, just hoping for a little help until I can sprout these Fenugreek Seeds.  So far, nothing is helping.

The truth is that I know that she's teething.  Two at once, on the top.  And the gums where the bottom two haven't come in yet are super hard.  She'll get them anytime too.  She's even got a lovely rash on her face, which she's NEVER had before.  Our Realtor (a friend of the family) told me that both of her boys had the same rash when teething...but it's new for me.  And for Baby Girl.  She has my complete sympathy.  I have had too many toothaches to even count, and to be a baby with a sore mouth...I can't imagine how much that sucks for her.  I know she's nursing for comfort, and if it's all I can do to really keep her from crying, I'll do it.

On top of the damaged nipple thing, there's the issue of my boobs themselves.  Oh, I'm not going to go too into it...but I WILL say that I nursed my son for more than 16 months on one boob.  If I can nurse a 22 month old porkchop on one boob, anyone can!  I don't know how common it is, but it's like one boob just doesn't understand that it's supposed to be making milk.  Super annoying.  (I had every intention of posting a picture of something clever to go with this part of the post, and ended up seeing some of the most INSANE breast pictures EVER.  I wish I had Brain Bleach to erase the image of those Volvo-sized boobs...)

Anyways... this is more of a post to let people know that even though I'm no rookie, this isn't always easy for me either.  I think the biggest lie anyone has ever told was that breastfeeding is "always so natural and beautiful", because sometimes it is JUST NOT.  It's not always rainbows and unicorns.  There are times it's torture.  Like now.

Well, that's what it feel like!

And I'm no super-hero.  I have those thoughts I'm sure other moms have had...and it's all caused by the soft-tissue trauma going on under my shirt.  LOL  These days I sometimes wish my baby would just drink water out of that Dora sippy cup and leave my poor damaged boobie alone.  And sometimes I wish that my other boob would step it up and do what it's supposed to be doing, not just hanging around doing nothing all day.  (MOOCH!)  Oh, and then there's the times I wish my husband could breastfeed her...just a couple of times...even just one day.  Just to give my boob a break.  But noooooo....I guess I'm not married to THIS GUY.  My boob hurts so much, that guy is starting to look pretty good right now.  LOL!

But as much as I bitch (and I do), I'll keep going.  I'll keep nursing that little tooth-monster until she weans herself.  Logically I know it's what's best for her, and logic has to outweigh my desire instinct to HEAD FOR THE HILLS everytime she comes up and says "Bub bub".

Even if breastfeeding didn't have any health benefits, it makes her happy.  I knew a long time ago that I would do whatever I have to do to make sure she's happy...chewed nipple or not.    (And because there are too many health benefits to ignore, my logic-based brain has to do what needs to be done, no matter what.)

Teething can't be easy for them.  I know those teeth aren't being easy on me, and I'm an adult!  So I'm going to suck it up and continue to put her best interest before my own.  I just had to complain for a minute.  I (almost) feel better...

Ugh.  It's almost bedtime...my boob hurts just thinking about it!  >.<

This too shall pass...this too shall pass...this too shall pass...

Maybe in another post I'll tell you about the damage she did in the first week after her birth!  Aughhh!!!

*Sorry for talking about my boobs.  It could be worse, I guess.  I could have named them.  LOL

Facing The Truth

One minute he's safe inside of you...warm and secure, he can hear your muffled voice and the sound of your blood flowing, and the beat of your heart...all is right with the world.  The next second he's being pulled from that safe place, into a world that is too cold, or too hot, and it smells funny. He can't see more than a couple inches from his face, and he has no control over his own body. Someone immediately starts trying to put something scratchy on his butt, then something itchy on his body. They poke him with needles, and stab his foot to draw blood, and he doesn't know what's going on...only that his thigh and foot hurt and no one is stopping it.

Then they wrap him up and give him to you.  You put him up to your breast, and he feels safe again.  He feels as close to being inside you again as he possibly can.  

"Finally...Momma...there you are..."Snuggled up to you he hears that familiar heartbeat he's known since his life began so many months ago, and is soothed by your voice. You are his whole world...the one person who is close enough to his face for him to see...the only one he WANTS to see. He just studies your features, amazed at how wonderful you are...finally he gets to see who was doing all that talking all that time. He falls asleep in your arms because just being with you makes him feel safe.  His trust and love for you in this instant will never be matched.  The world is scary, but with you there, suddenly everything seems like it might just be okay after all.

Then something happens. Someone he doesn't know comes and takes him. They walk quickly with him through hallways, and he's scared. All he wants is his momma.  He just wants to be in her arms...
"What happened...everything was perfect a minute ago..." They take him into a room, undress him, take off his diaper and strap him to a board. The board is cold, and it hurts him to be stretched out like that.  He can't move his arms or legs, and that's scary.  Someone puts a thin sheet over him, and it's so confusing.
"Where's my momma?  Her voice makes me feel so safe, and her touch calms me..."
 He can hear other voices, but can't recognize his mother's in the group, and he see fuzzy things moving around above him.  He's not sure what they are, but the voices are coming from those moving shapes.  He cries for you, but no one comes to save him...in fact his cries are completely ignored until someone sticks a sweet pacifier in his mouth. For a moment he stops crying, not sure what it is in his mouth, but the sweetness makes him forget what's going on around him for a second. He sucks, and is soothed by that.

Suddenly he feels a hot burning. It's coming from down near his feet. He can't reach out and find out where it's coming from because his arms are strapped down...he loses his breath and flails his head around, searching for you..."Momma...Momma...!!"

Finally he manages to get a breath, and lets out a scream...again that sugary pacifier is put in his mouth, this time he chokes on the liquid...it's not helping him forget what's happening as they tear the skin that was fused like a fingernail is fused to your finger, from the end of his penis. He cries and cries for you, choking and sputtering on the liquid someone keeps trying to stick in his mouth.

"Where are you momma? Why are you letting this happen? I thought you said I was so beautiful...you said I was perfect..."

He goes into shock as they cut through the skin to create a space big enough for the circumcision tools to fit into. Suddenly he stops fighting, suddenly he stops crying for help...he just lays there, closes his eyes, and imagines life before he met you...safe...warm...back when you were a muffled voice and a heartbeat...back when you would have done anything in this world to keep him safe...




When they bring him back to you, his face is red, but his tears are dried. When he looks at you, he cries again.

He squeezes his eyes shut as hard as he can and thinks,
"Where were you? Why didn't you come and save me?"


There is no Health Organization in the world that recommends routine infant circumcision.


"Why did you let them do this to me? You said I was perfect, momma... You said I was perfect when I was born, just the way I was...and you were right! I didn't need to live through this, and I will always carry a memory in my brain of crying for you and you not coming...the most horrible pain I'll ever experience, and you not saving me.  And now when they bring me back to you and I look at you and cry, it's because my heart is broken."


From the emotional and physical trauma he's lived through, he sleeps. He's trying to heal his body, and find security in the only way he can now. His trust in you was broken. He learned a harsh lesson about life and love, and he was only just tiny. He learned that only sleep will make it all go away, and that even when someone is supposed to protect you, sometimes they don't.  Sometimes all the love in the world isn't enough to make them ignore generations of misinformation to do what their heart tells them to do...keep their baby whole, as nature and God intended.

One Liners Of My Thoughts On Genital Mutilation, by Greg.

Published with permission. Find the note HERE.

"I should have died strapped to that circumstraint when they were trying to kill me, but instead of a painful but quick end, I have an eternal suffering.

I guess people don't understand baby talk, what's adult talk for: "PLEASE HELP ME, UNSTRAP ME FROM THIS, I'M TERRIFIED, THEY'RE CUTTING ME".


My prepuce wasn't cut off from me, I was cut off from my prepuce.


I died that day of course, cause there's no life without my prepuce.


My body my fucking choice, but I don't have rights to my own body.


My first sexual experience was at the age of 2, when I was genitally mutilated.


Is it because that I cannot entirely remember all of the traumatic experience of my genital mutilation is that I'm being protected?


Imagine reliving genital mutilation everyday - there are men who do."

"Circumcision Is Just Like Castration." Greg's Story.

All too often parents dismiss circumcision as something their sons will "thank them" for later in life. This post shows the story of one man who disagrees. He is certainly not thankful for the choice his parents made for him. Thank you, Greg, for sharing your story.

Posted with permission. Find the whole note HERE.

Circumcision is just like castration. I don't feel like my prepuce was cut off from me, I feel like I was cut off of my prepuce. I am a guy who has been genitally mutilated and I am not okay with it, I speak out against it and I want to take charge of myself, my life, and my body when I didn't even have that right as a child, and someone else touched, fondeled, mutilated, and took charge of my body physically and sexually without my consent, mutilated my body, and forcibly hacked off in full pain a functional and necessary and one of the most important parts of my body against my will and without my consent. I will never be okay with that. I will never be okay with that. I will always be angry, sad, and depressed. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about what was done to me. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't been depressed.


There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't been angry that I have been mutilated. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't been upset that I have been put at risk for death, infection, have been sexually diminished to the point where sex or masturbation has become a chore, with no feeling , painful, and uncomfortable and how I have been so outraged that my sex has been stolen from me and diminished and that I may never feel what sex is truly supposed to feel like as nature intended! You can see why men try to be so manly and hard when they have to make up for their manhood from being ripped away from them and mutilated and diminished at birth!

There has not been a day where I have not thought of putting myself out of this hell and suffering and killing myself. Do you want this for your children? They will find out the truth and suffer just like me. Do you want your children to be depressed, angry, and suicidal and turn those feelings on you? Because someone took away from me what I was born with I have to fight and try my best to raise money for www.foregen.org to regenerate everything I lost to circumcision to become intact once more. I can't enjoy what I was born with and what nature gave to me, I have to fight to get back my birthright that was taken away from me.

What parent wants their kids to endure this hell and probably fall to it and kill themselves? Keep your children whole, here's all the research you need:

http://www.thewholenetwork.org/
http://www.tlctugger.com/
http://www.foregen.org/
http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/goldman1/
http://www.norm.org/
http://www.circumstitions.com/

Keep your children whole and dont let them suffer like me!

The Danger Of Benzocaine Gels And Liquids

Questions & Answers: Reports of a rare, but serious and potentially fatal adverse effect with the use of over-the-counter (OTC) benzocaine gels and liquids applied to the gums or mouth

On April 7, 2011, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) warned the public about the use of over-the-counter (OTC) products containing benzocaine, an ingredient used to reduce pain in the mouth and gums. Benzocaine use may cause a rare, but serious condition where the amount of oxygen that can be carried through the blood stream is greatly reduced. This condition is called methemoglobinemia. FDA is particularly concerned about the use of OTC benzocaine products in children for relief of pain from teething because of the serious outcomes, including death, that may be associated with methemoglobinemia, as well as the difficulty parents or consumers may have in recognizing the signs and symptoms of methemoglobinemia when using these products at home. Furthermore, symptoms of methemoglobinemia may not always be evident or attributed to the condition.

Parents and caregivers should not use OTC benzocaine products on children under two years of age, except under the advice and supervision of a healthcare professional. If benzocaine products are used, it should be used sparingly and only when needed, but not more than four times a day.

Below is some additional information about benzocaine, methemoglobinemia, and steps consumers can take if they have or recognize an adverse reaction after using an OTC product containing benzocaine.

Q1. What is benzocaine?
Q2. Why is FDA concerned about the use of benzocaine?
Q3. What are the signs and symptoms of methemoglobinemia?
Q4. What should consumers do if they recognize the signs and symptoms of methemoglobinemia?
Q5. What should parents and caregivers do if they are currently using OTC benzocaine products on children who are teething?
Q6. What are alternative methods for reducing pain from teething?

Q1. What is benzocaine?

A. Benzocaine is a local anesthetic and is the active ingredient in many OTC products used to relieve pain in the mouth and gums from a variety of conditions such as teething, canker sores, and irritation of the mouth and gums.

OTC benzocaine products come in the form of gels, sprays, liquids, and lozenges. Many OTC benzocaine products are sold under the brand names listed here. Please note that there may be additional benzocaine products that are not listed. Consumers can look at the Drug Facts label when buying products used to treat pain in the mouth and gums to find out whether benzocaine is listed as the active ingredient.

Q2. Why is FDA concerned about the use of benzocaine?

A. FDA is concerned about the use of benzocaine products because they may cause a rare, but serious and possibly fatal condition where the amount of oxygen carried through the blood steam is greatly reduced. This condition is called methemoglobinemia. In the most severe cases, methemoglobinemia can result in death. Labels of OTC benzocaine products currently do notcontain warnings about methemoglobinemia, therefore, FDA is concerned that consumers may not be aware of and monitor for this condition when using OTC benzocaine products.

Methemoglobinemia with benzocaine use has been reported in adults and children. FDA is particularly concerned about the use of OTC benzocaine products in children aged two years and younger. There have been 21 reported cases of methemoglobinemia after the use of OTC benzocaine gels and liquids. Eleven of the 21 cases occurred in children two years of age or younger who were treated with benzocaine gel for teething.

Given the seriousness of the cases of methemoglobinemia, FDA will continue to evaluate the safety of benzocaine products and will update the public when additional information is available.

Q3. What are the signs and symptoms of methemoglobinemia?

A. Methemoglobinemia is a rare, but serious condition where the amount of oxygen carried by the blood is greatly reduced. Signs and symptoms of methemoglobinemia may include:

• pale, gray or blue colored skin, lips, and nail beds
• shortness of breath
• fatigue
• confusion
• headache
• lightheadedness
• rapid heart rate

Symptoms of methemoglobinemia usually appear within minutes to one or two hours after using benzocaine gels or liquids. Methemoglobinemia can occur after the first time a person uses benzocaine, or after using a benzocaine product multiple times.

Q4. What should consumers do if they recognize the signs and symptoms of methemoglobinemia?

A. Stop using the product and seek medical help immediately by calling 911.

Methemoglobinemia caused by benzocaine may require treatment with medications and may require admission to a hospital. Serious cases of methemoglobinemia should be treated promptly. If left untreated or if treatment is delayed, serious cases of methemoglobinemia may cause permanent injury to the brain and body tissues, and even death, due to an inadequate supply of oxygen.

Q5. What should parents and caregivers do if they are currently using OTC benzocaine products on children who are teething?

A. Parents, caregivers, and consumers should not use OTC benzocaine products on children under two years of age, except under the advice and supervision of a healthcare professional. Parents and caregivers using OTC benzocaine products on children should closely watch for signs and symptoms of methemoglobinemia. These may include pale, gray or blue colored skin, lips, and nail beds; shortness of breath; fatigue; confusion; headache; lightheadedness; and rapid heart rate. In some cases, symptoms of methemoglobinemia may not always be evident or attributed to the condition. Symptoms usually appear within minutes to one or two hours after using a benzocaine product, and methemoglobinemia can develop after using the product for the first time, as well as after several uses. Parents and caregivers who suspect a child may have methemoglobinemia should stop using the product and seek medical help immediately by calling 911.

Parents and caregivers should keep OTC benzocaine products out of reach of children and should not allow children to use these products without supervision. Consumers should follow the directions printed on the product labeling when using OTC benzocaine products.

Parents, caregivers, and consumers should report any reactions, symptoms, or side effects from the use of OTC benzocaine products to the FDA MedWatch program, using the information in the "Contact Us" box at the bottom of the page.

Q6. What are alternative methods for reducing pain from teething?

A. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ recommends the following for treating teething pain:1,2

• Give the child a teething ring chilled in the refrigerator.
• Gently rub or massage the child’s gums with your finger to relieve the symptoms of teething in children.

If these methods do not provide relief from teething pain, consumers should contact a healthcare professional to identify other treatments.

References

1. Markman L. Teething: facts and fiction. Pediatr Rev. 2009;30:e59-64.
2. American Academy of Pediatrics. Teething: 4 to 7 Months. Available at:http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/teething-tooth-care/pages/Teething-4-to-7-Months.aspx. Accessed on March 28, 2011.

List of OTC Benzocaine Products*

Americaine	Dent’s Maxi-Strength Toothache	Orajel Medicated Toothache
Americaine Hemorrhoidal	Dermoplast Antibacterial	Orajel Mouth Sore
Anbesol	Dermoplast Painrelieving	Orajel Multi-Action Cold Sore
Anbesol Baby	Detane	Orajel PM
Anbesol Cold Sore Therapy	Dry Socket Remedy	Orajel Ultra Mouth Sore
Anbesol Jr.	Exactacain	Oticaine
Anbesol Maximum Strength	Foille	Otocain
Baby Orajel	Freez Eez	Outgro
Banadyne	HDA Toothache	Red Cross Canker Sore
Benzocaine Burn Spray	Hurricaine	Rid-A-Pain Dental Drops
Benzodent	Ivy-Rid	Skeeter Stik
Boil Ease Maximum Strength	Kanka Soft Brush	Sting-Kill
Cepacol Sore Throat	Lanacane	Tanac
Cetacaine	Lanacane Maximum Strength	Thorets
Chiggerex	Mycinettes	Topicale Xtra
Chiggertox	Navogan	Trocaine
Comfort Caine	Orabase with Benzocaine	Walgreens Oral Anesthetic Paste
Dentapaine	Orajel Denture Plus	Walgreens Zilactin-B
Dent’s Extra Strength Toothache	Orajel Maximum Strength	Zilactin Toothache and Gum Pain

*This list is not all-inclusive

Taken from:http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/ucm250029.htm