Two Dads, Two Moms

O_o
That doesn't come off the way I think it was intended...
It really should say, "Two dads are better than one", and "two moms are better than one." 

Not "none".  Because pretty much anything would be better than to be that sad kid standing with NO parents, don't you think?  

And what about that kid at the top...
He has no mom...which we see in the bottom picture is pretty horrible and sad.
And the bottom one has no dad...which, again, we see is pretty horrible and sad, by looking at the top picture...

So I'm going to draw my own in Paint.  One that makes more sense!  (And you'll get a little glimpse of my mad paint skills.  LOL)

See?  Better.

:)

Tongue Tie Debate??

Yeah, so maybe I'm nieve.  I've been called worse.  All of a sudden, it seems, there is this outpouring of mothers (I'd say fathers if I saw even one comment or post from a father regarding this issue, but I have not) online who are devastated by their child's tongue tie.  Or lip tie.  Or both.
Am I new here?  Have I been living on the moon, or is it really just something that seems to have exploded lately?  Is it a new topic?  Maybe that's it...maybe we're sick of talking about how we saw someone putting their child's car seat on the top of the shopping cart at the grocery store, and turned to this?
I don't know.
Whatever it is, it's driving me insane.
I'm probably going to lose a follower or two here, but I'm not doing this to make friends.  I'm doing this to speak the truth about things I think need to be said.  So here I go.

The Boy's tongue tie.

I have three children.  My twins are both severely tongue-tied, right to the very tips of their tongues.  They are, at 4 1/2 years old, STILL tongue-tied.  We were told that the frenelum under their tongues would stretch, and that doctors will rarely cut them now unless a parent insists, or it is causing medical issues (such as failure to thrive), or speech issues later on in life.
The option was there, and after watching the suffering they went through in the NICU, there wasn't a soul on this earth that would have made it out of the room alive if they'd tried to cut those ties.  Seriously.  I was a woman on the edge, and probably could have gotten away with it because I'm pretty sure I was legally nuts at that point.

Anyway, Older Daughter also has a severe lip tie, which I had no idea about until I was pregnant with Little Daughter and found a blog post on it (which I cant' find now, or I'd link it).  I was STUNNED.  Before I read that, I had no idea that there was even such a thing.
(Okay, before kids I DID live on the moon with no internet!)
It explains a lot about why Older Daughter wasn't latching, and when I could trick her (in her sleep) to take the boob, it felt like she had razors in her mouth.  What really grinds my gears here is that the twins were in the NICU for 8 1/2 weeks.  I saw three different LC's in the time I was there, and had a few nurses who all tried to help me get the kids on the boob at least a feed a day when they hit what would have been 33 wks. gestation (for practice).  Not one person identified the lip OR tongue tie on her.  Older daughter never gained 1 cc by breastfeeding in the entire time she was there.  Even after 45 minutes of "nursing".  After 4 months of pumping for her, I put her on high-calorie preemie formula.  It's not my proudest moment.  If I knew then what I know now, it would have been different.  She would still have intact ties, but I'd have worked around them.  *I'll go into that more in a minute.*

Her twin brother was breastfed from 12 weeks on, and his tongue tie never caused an issue at all.  At. All.  And the funniest part is that his was so obvious right from the start that I had nurses telling me he would probably never be able to breastfeed without a nipple shield.  We never used one.  He nursed until he was 22 months old.  Also relevant here, he has no lip tie.

So fast forward to Little Daughter.  She has a pretty severe lip tie, and a moderate tongue tie.  Both intact.  She ate my nipples the first week or so until I discovered the issue, and from that point on I started flipping up her top lip*, and things progressed without further incident.
*This could have been done for Older daughter had I known such an issue even existed.*

Little Daughter's lip tie at 6 months old.

At 27 1/2 months old, Little Daughter is still breastfeeding like a champ, and most of the time doesn't need me to flip up her lip anymore.  It's stretched.  She speaks very clearly with no speech issues.  (She's by far my earliest talker...and she talks.  And talks.  And talks.  LOL)

Little Daughter's tongue tie at 27 months old.
This is identical to Older Daughter's lip tie at 4 1/2 years old.

In fact, the only thing I have ever found to be an issue with the twins at all is the fact that they can't pronounce the "th" sound.  (Yet, I mean.  They're 4...I'm not worried.)  

The reason I feel obligated to say all of this is because for whatever reason, people are having their child's tongue/lip ties to be cut at what I think is an alarming rate.  
I'm baffled.  And saddened.

Yes, I see that if a parent is unable to feed their child and their child is ACTUALLY "failing to thrive" because of their lip and/or tongue tie, you're going to clip it because it's medically necessary.  
Of course you are.  A good mother (or father) does for their child whatever needs to be done to ensure their health and well being.  Every time.

Maybe what bothers me so much is that lately I've seen so many people who are so quick to assume that the ties on their children's lip or tongue, are a horrible birth defect of some sort that need to be "fixed" as soon as they're identified.  I know from experience that this can not possibly be the case in many instances.  I think with a little education, and a little support, most of these children who are getting these things cut, could go on to be perfectly fine as is.  No need for putting them through that pain.  No need for that experience.

And, when I read comments by "intactivists" who say that a lip tie or a tongue tie are a "birth defect" and so the pain of this procedure is "for the best" when they took no effort to find an alternative route, it makes my brain feel like it's melting.  Those are almost word-for-word the beliefs of many people who circumcise their sons.  They do it thinking that foreskin isn't "supposed" to be there, and that removing it "fixes" the mistake, and that it's "for the best".  They "won't remember" being circumcised as an infant...(I could go on, but I think you get my drift.)
The kids getting their tongue ties cut won't remember that event as an adult either, but does that make the pain they're feeling at that time, irrelevant??  Not at all.
NOT AT ALL.

Again I am going to say that if a child is failing to thrive, of course you're going to do whatever it takes to help them.  If your child is unable to speak properly because of a tongue tie, of course you're going to do whatever you have to do to help them.  (And after trying alternative routes such as speech therapy, if that doesn't help at all, of course I support those parents.)  But it doesn't seem to me that people...parents...are even allowing their child time to prove that what THEY consider to be a "birth defect" is in fact quite normal and prevalent, and will sort itself out with time.  And way too many people never bother to find another way to work with these ties...as though they doubt their ability to work around a challenge.

I don't know.  Maybe it's just hitting too close to home for me to sit comfortably knowing that if my kids had been born to someone else, they'd have likely been forced to have those ties cut for no reason at all other than their parents' beliefs that what they have is a "defect".  I'm not sure why it's a debate when surely this isn't a new "issue".  I am sure that mothers have been working around ties since the beginning of time, but only recently it's become something to panic about.  Perhaps because society has led mothers to believe that they can no longer trust their babies, or themselves, the fear that was never there before has come to overwhelm them and lead them down a path that was just not taken before.

I'm speaking up here.  I standing up for children.  Again.  And I'm standing up for you.  I believe you can work around these ties when you know they exist, because you're capable.  If I can, and I'm certainly no one special, you can too.  Trust your baby and trust yourself.  When you see how amazing you both really are, you can start to re-build the self confidence that our society has stolen from you.

Older Daughter's tongue tie.

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

I think it's time for a funny post.  I'm working on several serious ones, but thought maybe I should get this one typed up first since I'm a firm believer that we need to be silly AS MUCH as we're serious...if not more.

Since having kids, I have said things (you have too) that I never thought I'd ever say.  Here's a list of the most popular at our house.

1.  Stop eating the cat food.
2.  Don't lick the floor.
3.  Don't move.  You have poop on your foot.
4.  Are you eating dog food?  Spit it out.
5.  Get off your sister.  She's not really a horse.
6.  Did you wipe your bum?  No?  Get off my lap.
7.  Where are your clothes?
8.  We don't play with the plunger.  It's yucky.  Seriously, put it back.  Aaaahhh!  Don't touch me with it!!
9.  Don't touch the cat's bum.
10.  Did you just pee on the kitchen floor?  Again?
11.  Did I just sit in pee?
12.  Don't stick that noodle in your nose.  Or your ear.  ...EW!  Don't eat it now!!


I have dozens of these, but that little tidbit gives you an insight on my life.  LOL

This would be a fun one to post on (either here, or on FB), and share your own "things I never thought I'd say".  :)

This has nothing to do with the post, but it's hilarious!

Waking Up And Tuning In.

This was borrowed from HERE.

Look at Me When I’m Talking To You!

Posted on August 21, 2012 by Emily Plank, Abundant Life Children

Hey.  You are Mixing Your Messages.  You know like when I’ve done something that makes you mad?  Like drawing in a book?  Or sitting on my sister?  Or eating the apple pie before dinner?  And you get your body real low to look me right in the face.  And you turn my shoulders so I have to look at you while you are angry with me.  And sometimes I don’t even know why you are angry.  I knowMarkers Are For Paper! but a book is paper and I needed to draw a lizard on that rock in the sunshine.  And I know Your Sister Is Smaller Than You! but I am smaller than you and I can ride on your back like a horsie and she likes the horsie too.  And I know now that The Pie Is For After Dinner! but I was hungry and I don’t know when dinner is coming anyway.

And then you say, Look At Me When I’m Talking To You!  but I want to turn my eyes someplace else because I’m embarrassed but I know you will get madder if I don’t just Look At Me When I’m Talking To You!  Then you talk and talk and talk and sometimes I get distracted by the cat or my friend or a shadow on the wall or the fly that landed on your ear.  Then my eyes go someplace else and you get mad again.

You know those times?  The times when you want my Undivided Attention?

Or when Important People come to visit?  And you talk and talk and talk, and sometimes I need to tell you about the painting in the kitchen or the boats I saw last weekend or my panties that are on backwards.  And you tell me toWait My Turn or Don’t Interrupt Me When I’m Talking.  Or you tell me to sayExcuse Me and I do but you don’t stop talking.  Or you tell me to say Can I Interrupt but you still don’t stop talking.  And when you do give me my turn you have a very heavy breath that tells me I did something Frustrating.

You know those times?  The times when you want me to Not Interrupt!

And then when I am in the middle of looking for my lost green butterfly and you say it’s Time For Singing but I don’t want to come because I am doing something important.  But you tell me Do It Later so I have to leave the spot where I almost saw her fly over a rock.  Then when I am running so hard and fast around the chair and you tell me No Running In The House. Sit Down And Read A Book. and I don’t want to read because of running so fast.  Then when I almost build a castle to the ceiling and then you tell me to Clean It Up Because It’s Lunchtime but I’m not done with it yet.

But I have a problem.  You want me to look at you, even when you are very angry and I don’t want to look at you.  And you want me to wait my turn for talking, even when I have something very important to say.  So why don’t you look at me when I’m doing my very important things before you tell me to stop?  And why do you get to interrupt what I am doing without waiting until I’m done?

Maybe when I am looking for my lost green butterfly when it is really singing time, you could let me keep looking, or you could ask me what I’m doing before you tell me that I have to come and sing.  You could come and look with me or maybe singing time could be after looking for my butterfly time.  Because no one told my butterfly it was singing time and she was almost going to fly over the rock.  Or maybe when I am running so fast around the chair and you don’t want me to run in the house you can tell me to run outside so I can still keep running so fast.  Or maybe when my castle is almost as tall as the ceiling, you could help me save it for after lunch so I can build it later.

If you want my attention then give me your attention,
even if you need me to change activities.

If you don’t want to be interrupted don’t interrupt me,
and if you have to, then help protect my important things until I can use them again.

It might make things a little more clear.

When I read this I did have a few tears.  I am guilty of not always being "present" when I'm with my kids.  I'm busy thinking about the laundry that I have to get done before my husband gets ready for work, or that it needs to be done before the kids go to bed because Little Daughter can't sleep when she hears the washing machine...
I've spent too much time worrying about what I'm going to make for dinner, and stressing over the mess my basement is.  I know I've missed important details along the way while worrying about things that should not have mattered.  I have missed things I should not have missed, and it just destroys me to become this fully aware of it.

I am guilty of allowing myself to become overwhelmed with how I keep getting told things "should be", and instead of enjoying my children in this oh-so-very-important time in their lives, I instead freak out because there are toys scattered across the entire floor of the living room, and random laundry here and there that the kids took off and chucked over their shoulder.

Not only am I finding that all of this is making me fail as a housekeeper, it's also making me feel as though I am failing as a mother.  I can't seem to manage to do it all, and the whole thing laid out in front of me is so overwhelming that I just feel like I'm drowning...  

Along the way I forgot that there are things more important than following a schedule.  And there are things more important than doing everything a certain way because some person you don't even give a flying rat's BEHIND about, tells you that's how it should be.  
Along the way I stopped seeing the crickets.  I stopped finding joy in super-tall Mega Blocks castles.  I stopped enjoying life and started feeling like I was simply maintaining it, at best.

If there is one reason to be thankful for the internet, it's that we can connect with other people who have managed NOT to find themselves buried under a sea of size 4 underpants, and self doubt.  And they can light something inside of us that was burnt out by people undeserving of that ability.

I am thankful for this blogger and the post that I copy and pasted above.  I am thankful for the opportunity to make tomorrow better than today.  And, most of all, I am thankful for the never ending, unconditional love I have from my children.  They have been watching me grow right along with them.  What I saw in my own life, and what I want them to see, are so very very very different.  

I will stumble along the way, but for me, this is a path never taken by my own family, and it's not going to just be easy and natural.  It's not what I know.  The bumps and bruises I get to my ego or my heart, along the way, will make me the person I want them to be.  And hopefully, through watching me trying so hard to be everything to them, and watching me succeed, and seeing me fail and keep on trying, they'll find that the path to this kind of parenting isn't quite as full of brambles as it was when I walked it.  Because I led the way.  Because someone had to go first.

I end this post with this poem (we all know it!) that now means something much different to me than when I read it in high school.

Robert Frost (1874–1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5   Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10   And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15   I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.         20

Sugar-Free Super Yummy Peanut Butter Balls

As I'm sure some of you know, my son cannot process refined sugars of any kind.  He also cannot seem to handle maple syrup, or any type of artificial sweeteners.  Also, he is for sure extremely sensitive to dyes.
So that leaves us with raw honey as our main "sweetener".  (We also use bananas and apple sauce, dates, and whatever other fruits we can find that are very ripe, but in baking the honey works best in place of sugar.)

This recipe is one of my favorites because of how easy it is, and it's the kids' favorite because of how good it tastes.    

No bake sugar-free peanut butter balls:

1/2 cup quick oats (you can use instant oatmeal)
1/2 cup peanut butter (you could use whatever nut butter you like)
2 tbsp flax (you don't need this, just increase the oatmeal by a tbsp. if you don't use it)
2 tbsp. raw honey (soften)

Mix it all up in a bowl until it's all consistent.  Roll into small balls.  Refrigerate.

The end.

*These are our tweaked version of a chocolate chip pb ball recipe I found online.

:)  Enjoy!!!

In Times Like This...My Heart Aches For Those Lost

In times like this, when we are overwhelmed reading the horror story coming out of Connecticut, it's easy to be overwhelmed with fear for our own children.  I understand, and feel guilty of this myself.

Friday my kids were in school.  They're in a JK/SK-split classroom.  They're four.  They're in a class of children between the ages of 3 and 5 years old.  My children, and the children they share their day with, are all amazing and wonderful children.  I cannot help but imagine the horror of this happening to my own precious babies...all of those children who are still just full of love, and wonder, and who still believe the world is good and kind.

I was taking a nap with our little one, and it was one of those naps where I spent half the time just laying there, thinking of how lucky I am to have the kids I have; the life I have.  And when we got up, Little Daughter asked for Dora, so I turned the tv on.  I was immediately plunged into something no one should wake up to.  The news of another school shooting...one that claimed the lives of children just like my own.  Children who were still in that stage of life that makes them completely innocent, easy targets for violence.

It took my brain about 30 seconds to comprehend what I was seeing, and I immediately changed the channel to cartoons for Little Daughter, until I could get her distracted with colouring behind the couch.  (Out of view of the tv.  I know she's too small to understand what "school shooting" means, but my kids are NOT exposed to that kind of stuff, no matter what.)  I turned the tv down, and put on a cd of songs about teddy bears that has been sitting here since the beginning of time, and I tuned back into the news.  My heart almost exploded, and I checked the time.  1:40pm.  Older Daughter wasn't in school.  She was safely with Daddy at a Dr.'s appointment.  But The Boy was still in school.  I had to change it.  My mother's heart couldn't take it.  I was between panic and tears...I don't think it's something any parent wants to see when they know a piece of their heart is still at school.

My son came home safely, of course, at his usual time.  Of course he did.  That's not their school.  But it didn't stop me from standing at the bus stop 10 minutes early, just waiting for him...just to get him away from all of that, back to the safety of our house as fast as I could.  When he stepped off the bus, I picked him right up and hugged him for way too long, and he told me I was squashing him to death.  I was just so...thankful...so very thankful that he was home and safe and hadn't had to live through that horror.  

I am sure I'm not the only one who wanted to just grab my kids and run...run...  But where do we go?  And what exactly am I running from??  It didn't happen here.  It didn't happen to them.  But it certainly DID remind me why I wanted to homeschool...one of the main reasons I wanted to homeschool.  Children cannot be killed in a school shooting if they're not in school.

I wish I could say that I have regained my senses, and realized something that has taken away my fear.  But I have not.  I have to send my kids to school again, as it's the last day of practice before their Christmas concert later in the week.  I have to send them because I cannot zip them in a bubble.  I have to send them because my fear may be rational, however it could quickly become very irrational if I hide them from the world.  I have to send them because it didn't happen here.  It wasn't their school.  I cannot show them the terror I feel because I do not want to raise them to be afraid.  I want them to be aware of the world we live in...but not today.  Not at four years old.  For now they need to believe in good.  They deserve to believe in it, because it exists.  Even in the middle of chaos, it exists...

But, it isn't going to stop me from never being able to take a nap while they're in school, ever again.  I will never be able to pretend the world is this wonderful place where our children are protected from this kind of pain and fear and horror because they are innocent.  I will never take for granted a single second, even when they're tired and fighting.  I will be thankful that they are here, because for 20 other families, they will never have that chance again.

I don't know if there's any sense to this post, other than to get off my chest what has been weighing so heavily on me since I first heard this story.  If there is one thing I do want to say that I think matters more than anything else, is that we need these stories to focus on the victims.  The world has a problem separating the famous from the infamous, and we need to stop giving publicity to the killers.  We need to stop making them names we remember, while we forget the names of the innocent people whose lives were cut short by a person who very clearly was mentally ill.  

These are the names that need to be shared.  These are the names of the people who went to school that day, and had no choice in what happened.  These are the people that need to be remembered.  The name of the person who went into that school and took their lives is a name that needs to be forgotten.  He should not be who the focus is on.  Murdering innocent people should not make a person's name go down in history.

From one parent to another, my heart aches for the families of all of the victims.  All of them.  And also to the parents of children who survived that ordeal.  And to the loved ones of the police, firemen, ambulance drivers...all of the people who had to walk into that scene because it's their job.

My heart hurts from this.  This isn't something that should happen.  Not ever.

So again I will log off and be with my children.  Because this kind of thing just reminds us all how lucky we are to have these kids in the first place...makes us hug them tighter.

Love and light to all those affected.  I am so very sad for everyone.

Whole For The Holidays

Swiped this image from HERE.

So I'm not sure why, exactly, but it seems to me that this time of year there are a lot of babies being born.  Maybe it's the spring mating season thing?  I don't know, and I don't pretend to really care why.  The thing I do care about is that during the "holiday season", we're all ready wracked with enough insanity, before we add to it the babies.  

With every pregnancy announcement and upcoming birth, those of us who call ourselves "intactivists" just get STRESSED RIGHT FREAKIN' OUT.  I swear, I have an ulcer.

Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like knowing that people you've spoken to about circumcision a dozen times (at LEAST) over the last several months, very likely just had their newly born son circumcised.  And it's not as though they didn't know the facts.  If they ignored the sea of information I gave them, the decision to cut him would have been completely based on the husband's insecurity with his own genitals.  ("What's wrong with being circumcised?  I'm circumcised!  And my son will be too!")

What really GETS to me about this time of year when it comes to circumcision is that these adults are thinking of all of the super cute little outfits they're going to buy for their son.  They're thinking of the gifts that they'll have for him under the tree.  And they'll be spending two months flipping through flyers and websites, looking for that perfect gift for themselves.  'Tis the season for giving (and receiving), right?

I have this "crazy" idea.  How about instead of worrying about which Christmas sweater you're going to buy your son, you just leave your him with the foreskin his body was meant to have, and call it even.  It'll save you $24.99, and save him a lifetime of living with your idea of what his genitals "should" look like.

How about you just forgo the circumstraint, the tearing, the screaming, the trauma... 

How about you just love your son for the person he is, without thinking that his penis was made so horribly wrong that it must be "fixed" before he goes home from the hospital because, *GASP*, what if someone was to see it intact?!  The HORROR!!!

How about this holiday season, you leave your son's penis alone.  Give him the gift of a whole, intact body. Your son's "package" came perfectly wrapped, exactly as it was designed to be. It's a gift that keeps on giving all throughout his life, and one that he'll never grow out of.  (Which is more than I can say about that ugly sweater...)

Christmas sweater...see what I mean?!
(Swiped image from HERE.)

If you need more information, here are some links.  

www.WholeNetwork.org
www.Dr.Momma.org
www.SavingSons.org
www.4Eric.org
www.IntactAmerica.org
www.CIRP.org
www.NoCirc.org
www.circumcision.org


Also, if you have any questions and need someone to talk to, please, email me, chewygranolamomma@yahoo.ca
or send me a message via my Facebook page.  (LINK HERE.)