"Why?" Our Choice Of Words Matter

So as promised, I'm writing a post about a conversation I had with a man on the phone.  The man I spoke to is the man who used to own the house we just bought...and the reason for his call was to plan a time to pick up a door he left behind that had been what they'd used to record the growth of their sons.  What would have normally been a two minute conversation with anyone else, as usual, turned into about an hour worth of conversation.  The man is a talker...but not at all a pain to listen to.  I actually enjoy his calls.

The two of us have talked about all sorts of things on the phone...he's an older man, retired, and has lots of time to just chat.  And as someone who doesn't get out much, I have some time to chat too.  And he's worth listening to.   Now, I'm not just saying that because I'm kind-hearted, or because I'm too nice, or whatever.  He really has some interesting things to say, and seems like one of those wise people I only get a chance to meet on very rare occasions.  I've found most people can talk your ear off without ever really saying much of anything.  But this man...he will fill you with ideas, and make you think about things you would have otherwise never thought much about in the first place...because they don't SEEM to matter.  But, when they're broken down...they do.  They DO matter.

For example, he talked to me about a book he's writing.  Now, I'm not going to get into it too much because it's not yet been finished, and I want him to have the chance to publish it without someone ruining that grand moment for him.  But I'll tell you part of our conversation.  It was about our use of the word "why".

He said to me that there are different parts of our brains that are triggered by different questions.  "How", "What", "When", etc., are all in a part of our brain that are linked with speech.  So, when someone says to you "How could you forget to do that?"  You can say, "Well, I had a lot on my mind, and I got busy, and it just slipped past me."  You have the ability to put into words HOW you managed to forget.

When someone says, "What are you doing?"  You can answer that easy enough.  "What" is verbal.

And an example he used was when a parent says to their child "You are so stupid", it is harmful to the child, but not in the same way it is if that parent was to say "Why are you so stupid?"

"Why" questions are not answered in the verbal area of our brain.  It has no voice.  The answers are deep inside of our subconscious, and we answer them to OURSELVES...and store those answers and feelings within our own brains.

For example, when a parent asks their child "Why are you so stupid? Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?", the brain goes into action and answers that question subconsciously...it will go through all the possible answers about WHY they are so stupid, and why they'll never be as good as their brother/sister.  And that is lifelong damage...because it can't be spoken.  It can't be fixed because there is no voice to even identify the pain it caused.

Words can hurt the ones we love the most.

And, in the same way that "why" can be used to damage a child, it can be used to lift them up.  It can be used to have that child answer to themselves why it is that they are fantastic.  "Why are you so wonderful?", "Why are you always so loving?", "Why do you make me so happy?"  With these questions, you set your child's brain into action.  You get their brain listing all the reasons they are so wonderful, so loving, and the reasons they make you so very happy.  Over time, even a child who has been subjected to negative comments can heal.  This is a great way to speed up that process...train their brain to tell them WHY they are so wonderful.

This also works for us...the adults.  There are times that our children (particularly in that stubborn age between 3-5 years old), drive us crazy.  I'm not going to lie, there are days I have wanted to run away...if only I could find my other shoe...  LOL
But we can program our own brains too.  We can ask our children "Why do I love you so much?"  To them, the choice of words will immediately cause them to think that we're just saying "I love you so much."  Their brains will start to answer WHY we love them so much...but so will OURS.  Suddenly we're not only causing our children's brains to tell them all the reasons we love them, but it's telling ours why we do, too.  And it doesn't take long before our subconscious makes it impossible NOT to think of the reasons we love them, every time we ask them that.  Soon the love we have for them, a love we didn't think could possibly be stronger, grows.

And words can lift them up.

I know this to be true because of seeing the way the previous owner of our house speaks to his wife, and how he speaks ABOUT her.  I honestly have never heard a man talk about his wife with so much love.  And it's because he has spent years asking her why he loves her so much.  He told me that she thinks he's just saying that he loves her, but really he is purposely programming his brain to list the reasons why he loves her so much.

Sometimes because of stress, or just from being tired, a person can use words they didn't mean to use...or wouldn't have used had they been in a better frame of mind.  It happens.  Shit happens.  But we don't need to just leave it like that.  We have the opportunity every single day to change things.  We have the ability to lift up not only our children, but everyone else in our lives that mean something to us.

I challenge you to use "why" in your questions...but use it to lift people up, not drag them down.  When we take the time to be aware of our choice of words, we can make all the difference in someone's life.  Go out and make that difference.

My Vacation From The Internet

So I took over a week off the computer to move to our new house, and whatnot.  And I'm telling you, it was by FAR the best thing I've done in years.  I got to re-connect with myself...with who I am...just me, without anything to worry about other than my own family.  It was much needed, and will be something I do more of in the future.  I will also be spending even less time online now than I have been.  I have a new home, and it is FULL of boxes that need to be sorted through and un-packed.  By looking at all of them, I'm pretty sure it's going to take me a million years to finish it up.  LOL

On my time off, I got to enjoy more of my kids...un-interrupted.  I got to spend some REAL quality time with them.  I played more games of "Captain" (that's pirate-themed), and "Kitty", and "Baby Bird", than I have ever played in my life.  LOL  And it was hilarious.

I got to see the kids re-discover the outdoors.  We had a few days of some (VERY) unusually warm weather, and we were outside for at least two hours a day, everyday that it was nice.  It slowed the packing process, but I don't even care.  It was so worth it to see the joy on their faces...something only some sunshine, fresh air, and some nice garden soil can really bring out of them.  They came in filthy and exhausted, but happy as can be.  So worth it.  : )

It's now been couple weeks since we've actually been in our new house, and I've still been online no more than 15 minutes in total.  I feel bad, on one hand, for neglecting this blog...but on the other hand...not so much.  I've been loving my time with the kids, and have had my hands very full trying to unpack.

I can't get enough of my time OFFLINE.  I've read a book, which never happens, and bought another one.  I got it today and I'm 1/3 of the way through it.  Amazing stuff going on here.  LOL

I can tell you, however, that there is one thing about being offline that I could do without.  Phone calls.  It's not to say I hate human contact...I don't.  (Well, not entirely.)  I hate hearing the voice of a "friend" when they are yelling at their children.  Or when they are telling me about how they spanked/slapped/screamed at their child for one thing or another.  It hurts my heart.  And really, what they're doing is very sadly LEGAL.  If I was to hear something that was what would be considered abuse, I'd be the first one on the phone with CAS (Children's Aid Society), but if they're doing more than they say...they're keeping it to themselves.

I want to just say quickly that I do see what they're doing as abusive, but it is not what the law here considers abuse.  Do I think that needs to change?  Yes.  Yes I do.

You might wonder why I talk to those people...the ones screaming at their kids, and who proudly announce that they have spanked their child (or will be in the near future).  It's because every personal friend (or "friend") of mine know that this is my blog.  And they follow it.  And so I hope that they'll find a better way through me...through seeing that their children act the same way mine do.  Clearly hitting theirs hasn't changed anything.  It's what makes me wonder how people can condone it.  Perhaps if it worked...maybe they could somehow justify it with logic.  But it just DOESN'T.  It doesn't work.  Children still act up.  They still have screaming fits when they can't have ice cream instead of supper.  Just like mine do.  But the difference is that mine aren't being hit.  And MY choice of teaching involves time-ins.  When the lesson is taught, we move on.  No feelings of being un-loved unless they comply to "my way".  They just learn what it is that is expected of them in the future, to hopefully AVOID the same scenario playing out again.

I've also started making a point of teaching my children that there is more to a mistake than saying that they're sorry.  There's more to it than doing better next time.  There's an opportunity THIS TIME to make things right.  Yes, mistakes are made.  Bad choices are made.  And inexperience plays a key role in that, I'm sure.  And you know, no one is perfect.  If I can't be perfect myself, there's no way I can expect them to be...especially at 3 years old.  (And the idea of that would be INSANE.  Just sayin'.)
But, I'm not going to raise children who make a mistake and then stand around saying "Oh dear.  How terrible.  Next time I'll do better.  La dee dah..."
No no.  I'm going to raise children who say, "Oh dear.  How terrible.  I made a mistake, and now I need to figure out what I can do to make things right.  Next time I'll do things differently so this doesn't happen again."

Accountability.  The world is low on it.  It's the same reason that parents can strike their toddler and say the child had it coming to them.  Because they are not accountable for their OWN actions.  We are the only ones in control of how we react in any given situation.  We make choices everyday.  Some good.  Some not so good.  And some...some are freakin' terrible.  But we THEN have the choice to then make things right.  Fix the mistakes we made RIGHT AWAY.  Parents that are angry make the choice to allow themselves to cross that line and put their hands on their children.  It's a line they wouldn't dare cross with another adult, but because the child is smaller than they are, they feel like they can get away with it.  Well, mistakes are made.  I'm not going to grab a cross and some nails here, but I am going to say that bad behavior (from parents) can be changed, and it can be fixed.  We ALL have the ability to make things right, and to make different (better) choices in the future.  We ALL have to be accountable for our own actions, and by doing that...we teach our little ones to do the same.  They are the mirror image of us.  Lets not make that reflection one we wish we could change once they're adults and it's too late.

For example, when my son says he's a "big boy", and pours his own milk (which then spills over onto the floor), I help him clean it up.  But I'm not cleaning it up FOR him.  I'm cleaning it up WITH him.  I'm not angry that he spilled milk (we can buy more), or that a mess was made because he thinks that he IS "big"...I'm proud of him.  But, when a choice is made that turns out in a less than positive way, I want him to know that it's his responsibility to do what he can to make things right.  And I'll be right there, right beside him, helping him.  Because that's my job.  My job is to help him...not do it FOR him.

                            

Also, in the time I've been offline, I've had the moment that I wish I could just stop time.  Stop it completely for about a year.  I want to enjoy MORE of the children at this age.  They are growing up too fast, and it makes me weepy.  The baby talks, the twins are so independent...And it brings to mind a saying I read about how a good mom works herself out of a job.  We teach them to live their lives without us, if we're doing it right.  And it makes me sad.  It makes me sad that when I teach them things, it's one less thing they need me to do for them.  One less thing they need me for.......one more step away from me.
The only thing that keeps me moving forward is the look of pride on their faces when they do things for themselves.  And my son in particular is proud of "getting big".  He talks about it all the time...he talks about when he's big he's going to be a fireman and save people with his fire hose.  And I know logically that his fireman days are about 15 years away, but the mom inside of me wants to cry.  Why can't they just stay little??

Anyway, as you can see this is just a post about nothing, really.  I know after all this time people might expect something more, so I'm sorry if it disappoints.  Next post will be about a conversation I have had with a man on the phone that stuck with me...and it has profoundly changed my choice of words when I speak to the children.  He opened my eyes to something I never really thought about before, and the change I've seen in the children...amazing stuff.  : )

So for now, good night.  Be safe.  xo

IUDs...I Wish I Didn't Know.

A copper, and Mirena IUD.

Okay, again, short and sweet (as short and sweet as they get around here).  I don't want to get into a big debate on birth control, because I think if you don't want a baby, you need to prevent pregnancy.  I'd rather see you prevent a birth than to end a life.  (I'll get into my whole stand on that in another post when I'm not so tired, and can provide links, etc.)

For now, lets just talk about IUDs.

Here is a link to the Wikipedia description.

So there are two different kinds.  I honestly didn't even know they still did the copper wire ones...I live on the moon, I think.  But I have seen it mentioned on Facebook in some mommy groups recently.  (Which is what sparked all of this.)

Okay.  So when my twins were born, they were in the NICU.  I'm sure if you also don't live on the moon, you know that already.  Anyway, when they were 6 weeks old, I went for my check-up with my (super hot) OB...Dr. Gregg Hancock...(shout out for him here because he's [overall] pretty awesome).

So...after a short break thinking about him, I'm back to the topic at hand.  LOL  IUDs.  So, I went to my appt. with him, and because I'd just had twins (I assume), he asked me if I was planning on using birth control until we were ready for more children.  I said I'd considered it, but hadn't really looked into it too much because I was SOOOOO not ready to start having relations with my husband again.  He suggested an IUD.

Now, let me just say here that the only time I'd ever even heard of an IUD was in grade six sex ed.  Seriously.  I may not only live on the moon now, but clearly was born and raised there.  LOL
He told me that an IUD is "as good as getting your tubes tied, but easily reversible."  He said [TMI WARNING] I stopped bleeding, he'd put one in, in his office, and it'd be a small pinch and that would be that.

Super.  Small pinch.  This...from the same guy who told me that the dye he was injecting into my fallopian tubes would be a "small pinch".  0_0  Not quite, buddy.  (One word to describe that?  HOLY F*CK!!)  Well, because of what I faintly remembered from grade six, and the "slight pinch" description from him...I asked the kids' primary nurse what her opinion was on IUDs.  And, at first, she didn't want to tell me anything.  She said "I don't know much about them."
I knew she was holding back!!!
When the other nurse in the NPCU (Neo-Natal Progressive Care Unit) left for lunch, she told me what she knew.

She told me that in the 35 years of working in the same NICU, she'd seen no less than five babies born with problems associated with them.  Their mothers had gotten pregnant while wearing one, and that four were born with limbs (or partial limbs...like hands, or feet) missing because they'd been CUT OFF by the copper wires.  She said that they don't bleed to death because of how they're forming...it rubs the same spot over and over, and as they grow and run out of space, the wires get tighter against them, and they just sever the body part they're up against.
Seriously.
And then there's the fifth baby...
Brace yourself.
This baby was born with the IUD INSIDE OF IT'S ABDOMEN.  Yeah.  I'm not shitting you.  She told me that it had formed right around the IUD (so in this case, whether those wires are plastic or copper...it could happen).  Immediately after birth, she said it had to be whisked away to surgery to try to remove it.  She said that while it was inside of it's momma, it was safe from infection.  As soon as it was delivered, the chance of infection increased.  And obviously, it's not okay to live your life with an IUD sticking half way out of your belly.
She ended this by telling me that there are worse things in life than being pregnant.  And clearly, she was right.

I never got one.  That's the moral of this story.  I also never got pregnant until we put some serious effort into trying...when the twins were 20 months old.  And when we did try, it took a month.  So one day when I'm more on my game, I'll tell you why THAT is a dramatic story too.  LOL

So...do your research.  That's all I'm saying.

And, in conclusion, I leave you this one link that was posted by Guggie on her wall...(she just can't help herself...LMAO!)

Mirena Crash: The Mirena IUD Side Effects After Removal

Thank you for reading.  I'm sorry if I scarred you.  (We're in the same boat now, I guess.) 

My View On Religion(s)

I'm going to keep it short and sweet because there's not much to say.  I just feel like maybe I should explain myself, and my view of religion, just incase my last post rubbed anyone the wrong way.  I think once you hear it, you'll understand.


First, if you believe in God (or whatever you may call Him/Her/Them/It), I'm happy for you.  I believe in God, but maybe not the way other people do?  I don't know.  I haven't posted a poll to find out.  I just know that my idea of what God is, is different than some other people who also believe.


I believe that God is loving and forgiving.  Fire and brimstone are not in my view of it.  In my view, God wants to forgive whatever it is that people do that is (according to religion as a whole) not so great.  So my kids aren't taught about God punishing for being "bad".  They're taught about love.  Because to me, that's the main point.  (They're little, and I think they only need the basics at this point.)  If you choose to believe God is scary, that's just fine with me.


I believe that the Bible is a book of stories.  It's been passed down through generations, and translated several times, and altered several times.  I think it's a great way to learn the stories, but I'm not going to be stoning my kids for being "stubborn and unruly".  It's what kids do, and stoning is somewhat frowned upon.  If you believe the Bible is something written to be taken literally and it's in original form, I'm glad for you.


I believe that it's things like hating homosexuals that turn people against religion.  I think that's ridiculous since these people slinging hate around like it's a lasso are also people breaking one of those rules about NOT JUDGING PEOPLE.  Keep those stones in your pocket when you're living in a glass house.  Basically, unless you are perfect...which I'm preeeeeeetty sure no one is, you don't get to go around hating on people for LOVING someone.  Who GAF what their genitals look like.  You don't get to stand in your sin and point the finger at someone you feel is sinning.  Period.  (BTW, MY God created us all...and I could go into a big rant, but I won't.  I'm climbing down off my soap box.  I'll just say that those rocks are heavy.  Put them down.)  If you hate someone for loving someone you don't think they should love...well...I say this;  Don't believe in gay marriage?  Don't get one.


I also believe that whether you believe in God, or pray to some Goddess, or practice Wicca, or whatever you do, as long as what you're doing is working for you, GIVE 'ER.  Seriously.  I almost never speak about my beliefs because they really aren't relevant.  Really.  Whether I believe in God, or don't, it doesn't make me a better or worse person.  Because I choose my actions.  I was given this very handy thing...I like to keep it inside my skull to keep my half-wit cat from licking it...it's called a brain.  And I REALLY like using it.  And because I own one, I don't get to claim that my actions are caused by my religion...even if they're influenced by religion, they are, in the end, mine alone to make.  I have known many a good person who is Christian, I know (very!) good people who are Muslim, I know very good people who have no religious beliefs at all, and I know some very good people who are even beyond that...more than atheist...they fall into their own category, I think.  More along the lines of anti-religion.  And you know, respect for eachother goes way beyond religious beliefs (or the lack thereof).

I don't hate anyone for their religious beliefs (or, again, their lack thereof).  Really.  Like, the guy we bought our house from is some high guy with the Jehovah's witness.  Awesome.
He told me lots about it, and I'm sure I'm going to hear lots more.  Super.  Really.  I like hearing about other people's religions...I like to know what makes people tick.  And he doesn't just believe it...he lives it.  And really, whatever you believe, I like it when I see people living it happily.  It's nice to see people happy with the choices they've made.  Seeing happiness is good for my soul...no matter what form it comes in.  Be happy!!


My ONLY problem is when someone uses their religion as an excuse to steal the rights from other people...as in circumcision.  Your religious right ends where another person's body begins.  Simple.  Keep your hands on your own genitals, and we'll all get along just fine.

So yeah.  Pray to whomever you love to pray to.  Or don't.  Either way.  LOL  Really, it doesn't matter to me in the least bit.  Your religious choices affect me the same way it would affect me if I was on a diet, and you ate a cookie.  Not one bit.  And mine...same thing.  I believe in respecting each other's right to religion, beliefs, lifestyle, etc.  That's what matters in the end, right?

*In conclusion, if I offended you by saying "lack thereof", or whatever...I'm sorry.  My intention was not to offend, only to explain.  If you don't agree with being tolerant to other religions, that's great for YOU.  I choose to treat other people the way I'd want to be treated...not because it's in the Bible, but because I live in the real world and expect to be treated well.
And, if you feel the need to go all crazy and freak out because of anything I wrote here, JUST DO IT.  You might make yourself look like a nut, but you'll feel better for a minute...LOL...and that's what matters.  


THE END.  ; )

Shit That Pisses Me Off...Being Nice.

If you know me, you know I'm very "nice".  I try to do for other people what I'd want done to me if I was in their shoes.  I try to consider people's feelings, and pretty much only expect the same thing in return.  

Anyway...

What pisses me off about being nice is when I find myself being nice ONLY because I'd want the same done to me if I was that other person.  Not because they really deserve it...and sometimes even when they clearly do not.

I end up on the phone with people from Bell Canada (phone/satellite company we use) for 45 minutes when the phone call should have taken no more than 5 minutes at the most.  Why?  Oh, because I'm NICE.  The guy on the other end wanted to talk to me about his favorite show, and I listened.  I told him it sounded interesting.  (It did SO not sound like my cup of tea...it was called "Operation".  Gag.)  The moral of the story, he ended that call happy as a pig in shit.  I'm glad someone enjoyed our time together.  LOL

And when we get one of the calls we get about twice a week; "Hello?  Can I please speak to the manager?"
I tell them nicely that we are a HOME, not a BUSINESS, and most of the time they apologize and take my name off of whatever list it is that they have in front of them.  Most of the time.

...But not all the time.


Like that time a man called and I told him the exact same thing I've told a hundred people before him (and since him)...we're a home...a family...not a business.
He apologized and explained to me that our phone number was on a callers list for businesses...under the name "China Delight".
Lovely.  We're a Chinese restaurant, apparently.  (That restaurant actually burnt to the ground about three years ago, if not longer.)
I'm glad he took the time to explain why people were calling here, speaking Mandarin, and asking to speak to someone else who spoke Mandarin too.
Anyway, I thought that was the end of the call.
Wrong.
Buddy called back about 20 minutes later.  He told me that he was calling on his own "personal" time, and had enjoyed speaking with me earlier.  He said he wanted to ask me a question.
I just said "okaaaaay...".
He said, "Can I ask you a question?"
At this point I'd regained my senses, and said "I don't think I even want to know what your question is, so I'm going to go with NO."
He asked again.  "Can I ask you a question?"
Me:  "No.  I don't think so."
He spent five minutes telling me how nice I am, and how I have such a nice voice, and told me about ten times how much he'd love to ask his question.
By this point I was annoyed...but still being NICE.
I told him that I had to make the twins their lunch, so I had to say goodbye.  He asked if he could call me again some time.  I told him that I'm normally too busy to answer the phone, so he probably wouldn't get me. With that he finally said goodbye.

I wish I could travel back in time and tell him to be a professional, and to get a life.  But I probably would just end up on the phone with him again...listening to the same crap I listened to the first time.

And my nice-ness doesn't just extend to people trying to sell me something.  It also is given to people I'm trying to sell something to...like some of my baby clothing stash.


Like the guy who called to ask how much I wanted for a pair of baby boots.  They were super soft, and only worn once, and I'd ordered them off of eBay for about $12.  I told him I'd sell them for $5 if he picked them up.  He asked what other items I had...so I gave him a summary...NB girls clothing, or anything for boys from NB to 2T.  I told him that as our youngest outgrew the girls' clothing, they'd be for sale as well.  I (stupidly) told him that I had twins the first time, so we have a butt load of clothes to get rid of.
He told me he has b/g twins too...and then went on to tell me he's a SAHD.  He told me that the clothes were going to be a donation, so he didn't want to spend much.  He SOUNDED nice, so I told him I'd give him a deal if he picked a bunch of things.
He decided to go on and tell me about his twins, and his wife, and he told me she worked a lot.
He told me about taking the kids to the park, and how the women hit on him.
>My red-flag was up here.<
He went on to tell me that the women in  his neighborhood were "too close for comfort", but felt he needed a "special friend".  He told me that I sounded nice, and that he'd love to meet me.  He told me that he thinks every marriage needs a "special friend" to keep it going...

I told him that the kids needed me, and I had to let him go.  I told him I'd email him and we could arrange for him to pick up his items.  Then I hung up.

Okay.  So he (probably)wasn't Tom Cruise.
But Tom Cruise is creepy as hell...no?!

I swear, I nearly cried.  What a DICK that guy was!!!  I couldn't believe he'd even suggest that...he doesn't even KNOW me!!!  I was losing it, so I ran to the computer and took down all the selling ads I'd put up on Kijiji (our local online selling group...kind of like Craig's List).  I was so upset I called my mom.  And really, she's the LAST person I normally go to in this kind of situation...but I was losing it.


She actually told me what I needed to hear...pull your head out of your ass and tell that guy to take a hike.  Funny enough, he beeped in as I was on the phone with her.  I told her to wait, and I answered the beep.

He said "It's just me, I need your address."
I told him that I wasn't going to be giving it to him, and that I was sorry, but if he was to come here, my husband would rip him a new asshole.  I advised him to find someone else to buy items from.  He apologized (I could hear his wife in the background!!), and told me he won't bother me again.  And thankfully, I haven't heard from him.


Really though, wtf, right?!  I said I was SORRY that I couldn't sell him things, when in fact he scared the shit right out of me.  I was home alone with three kids that night, and the idea of some creepy guy coming to my door...terrifying.


Oh...and you'd think that after these incidents I'd learn to just be a little more assertive, and stop worrying about people not thinking I'm nice...  But nooooo...


Today I ended up on the phone with the man who's house we bought.  He's a Jehovah's Witness.  No biggie, right?  Yeah, right.  I was on the phone with him for 37 minutes...five were in regards to two mattresses he wanted to give away, and I gave him the numbers of two women who wanted them.  The rest of the time he was telling me about his religious beliefs.
He's a nice guy...he means well.  I don't doubt that one bit.  And I love that he loves his religion.  Really.  It's nice to see someone who is living well, and who is HAPPY living their religion.  I love that they are so into it, and that they love it so much they just want to share that joy with everyone they meet.  Even when it comes in the form of ministering to whomever is close enough to hear them.
But seriously.  I have things to do.  And yes, I think he's a nice man, but when he told me that he's going to have to come and see me and "discuss further" the beliefs he holds, I realized that once again, niceness bit me in the ass.  He knows where I'm going to be living.  Forever.


It's become very clear that being nice does not always serve me well.  Sometimes there are going to be those times that being nice is really just being a wimp...and I need to step up and make that choice to be nice to the people that DESERVE it.  And, when the need arises, I need to stop being a wuss and tell people how I feel.


I'll tell you...the NEXT person that calls here and makes me uncomfortable, or the next time I find myself humoring some telemarketer, I'm going to remember writing this post and tell that person that I have better things to do than deal with their shit.  And then I'm going to hang up.  Because being nice for the sake of being nice, even when the person on the other end of that phone does not deserve my kindness, is straight up BS.  And I'm not going to let it piss me off anymore!!!

This post is a reminder to myself that it's just fine to bitch about something, but then the next step is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Change it.

"You're not a tree.  If there's something in your life you don't like, change it."
~Arden Park Hotel sign wisdom.

Children Deserve Better

In the last few days I've heard too many people talk about their children as though they just aren't the precious gifts that they REALLY ARE.  It irritates me.


As a mom who saw my first two children struggle to breathe...struggle to LIVE...when I witness a parent not appreciating their child, it just hurts my heart.


As you may or may not know, we bought a house.  We're going to be moving out of this rental in March some time, so the landlord has been showing our house.  It's not bad...it's a pain in the butt, but not a huge inconvenience.  I understand that he has to do it.  What I can NOT understand is the things some people say.

See, yesterday my husband was working overtime, so the kids, my BIL, and myself, were all home during the three showings the landlord had.


It went better than expected, really, considering the kids wanted to be part of all of it.  (Of course they would...these are new people in their house!)  The first couple saw that we have twins and told me that I must be an amazing mom to not only have twins, but to have gone on to have another.  I just laughed and told them we were very blessed.  (All of my children were very much planned and wanted, so I don't think I'm an amazing mom...I think I'm JUST a mom.)

That first couple had an 8 month old baby at home, they told me; their first.  So to them, this probably seems chaotic.  (To me, it's normal.)

The second family that went through were nice...at first.  It was a woman, her 2 1/2 year old daughter, and her mother.  I should mention that the older woman (the grandmother) was fabulous.  My issue was with the mother of that little girl.
As soon as she found out that we had twins (the landlord was telling them...not me), she commented on how much work they must be.  I said that I had them first, so to me, two at once was normal...and that they aren't much work at all.  (If they were, would I have had a third?!)
Her daughter immediately saw the toys and wanted to play, and I told her that if she wanted to leave the little one in the livingroom with us while she looked at the house, that would be fine.  I told her that one more would be no trouble at all, and I didn't mind.  She drug her screaming child through the house anyway.  Finally Grandma had enough of it, and brought her down.  She sat on the couch while the little girl played with the kids.  She was super cute, and THRILLED that she was finally getting to play with that mountain of toys she'd seen.  I talked to Grandma, who informed me that she'd been a nanny for years for a "Festival family" (which means a family that works at, or are in plays at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival), but the boys are in school and no longer need a nanny.  She seemed super nice, but I'm a little...Mother Bear...to leave my kids with someone just because they say they've been a nanny.  Hell, I could say I spent three years working on the MOON...it doesn't mean I did.  Right?!


Anyway I'm getting off topic.  When Mom came back downstairs to gather up Grandma and Daughter, she decided to say "I don't know how you did it with twins...I only have one, and she's too much for me sometimes."


*Blank stare*  (Me.)


I didn't even know what to say.  The fact that her daughter was standing right next to her when she said that just took me aback.  I honestly had one of those "did I just hear that?" moments.


I know that Mom probably didn't mean to come across as some kind of bitch...and I'm sure she didn't mean to say, infront of her daughter, that sometimes she's "too much".  But she did.  And she did.

It was one of those things in life that show just how easy it is to say things in front of our children that will define them...change them...make them into who they're going to be as adults.  I hope that Mom made a slip of the tongue there, and that it's not a regular occurrence.

The day before these people came through I was talking with a woman who was our neighbor once upon a time...when her three children were small.  (They're 9, 11, and 13 years old now!)
The reason she called was because I had agreed to care for her 9 year old son.  Let's call him Billy.
Billy has "special needs".  He has some anger issues, and apparently also has some extreme anxiety.  I can only assume that when he feels that need to flee and someone stops him, that's probably when the anger comes out.  Fight or flight...right?  Sounds likely to me.  (I don't know...I'm guessing.)
Anyway, Billy's mom brought him over about two days before her and I spoke on the phone.  We wanted him to get a chance to RE-meet me (since he was only about two when I last took care of him), so he would be comfortable being here for 8 or 9 hours a day, three times a week.
When they came to the door, everything was fine.  The Boy was sleeping on the couch, and the baby was in the living room (baby gates), so only myself and Ooey answered the door.  I figured that if only her and I went to the door to greet them, it wouldn't overwhelm him...which when all three of my kids are around, tend to happen to the best of people!
The mom walked in, said hello, and took her shoes off.  In that amount of time, her son (who had come in directly behind her), decided it was too much and ran out the door and locked himself in their car.
She looked at me and said "he bolted".  She came in to have a look at the house, leaving him to sit in the car.  Within about two minutes, he was knocking on the door, yelling for her to "hurry up and let's leave NOW!"
At this point my 3 year old daughter was in tears.  She wanted Billy to come in so she could see him because she "loves him", and she said "he's my best friend!"
So the mom tried to get him into the house.  She tried using guilt..."Look Billy, she's crying!  She just wants to meet you, come in!"
I told her not to...that my daughter has the right to be upset, but so does Billy.  I said that trying to force him into the house wasn't going to help anything.  I told her that I would talk to Ooie when they'd left and explain to her what was going on.
The mom put on her shoes, and left.

Okay, it could have went better, but it could have gone worse.  When she called me to talk about our arrangement, the behavior of that little boy suddenly made total sense.

She explained to me that her and her husband had separated 2 years ago, after several years of being unhappy and non-stop fighting.  She told me of the incident that ended it all for them...which took place in front of Billy.  (I'm not going to get into it, but it involved domestic violence and police removing her husband.)
She told me about how her husband has been playing mind games with the children, which they are too young to identify or understand.  And apparently, the night before Billy and his mom came over here to meet all of us, he'd been with his dad.

Dad is a real piece of work.  He told Billy that he was going to "hate it" over here...and that he'd be "surrounded by babies".  He told Billy that he was "going to have a panic attack and freak out", and that he "wouldn't be able to handle it" here.
Nice.  Thanks Steve.  You dick.  *Yep, calling that asshole an asshole.  No fake name there!*


Anyway, he wrote his son's destiny for him.  He set his son up for failure, and managed to make a little boy have a panic attack just by telling him he'd have one.  Great parenting.

My two cents on that:

CHILDREN ARE CHILDREN.  DO NOT USE THEM AS A PAWN IN YOUR MIND GAMES.  THEY DESERVE TO BE TAUGHT THAT THE WORLD IS A SAFE PLACE, AND THAT YOU'LL BE THERE TO SUPPORT THEM IF THEY STUMBLE.  YOU DON'T STAND THERE AND TELL THEM THEY'LL FALL, AND THEN SHOVE THEM.

Holy crap I'm pissed off at that guy.  Who does that?!  And this has nothing to do with being upset about not getting to take care of that boy.  Honestly, he may not have been happy here.  Our kids are years younger than him.  We don't even have things here he'd want to play with.  (And I'm kind of anti-video games.)  But the fact is that after the first day, after getting a chance to talk to him, I could have gotten him things he enjoyed.  And he could have, for the first time, been like a big brother.
But no.  Instead he's going to be watched by his dad during the times I was supposed to have him.  Lovely.  Because a man like that deserves more time with his kids...
Oh...wait...

Anyway, I was going to finish this post with just those two stories.  But I have one more.  And honestly, I don't care if this "costs" me any followers.  I'm at the end of my freakin rope here...

 


IF YOUR YOUNG (2 year old) SON PEES ON YOUR COUCH, AND YOU WATCH YOUR HUSBAND RUB HIS FACE IN IT AND DO NOTHING, YOU ARE A PISS POOR PARENT.  Anyone with two brain cells to rub together would have CALLED CHILDREN'S AID and had that parent removed from the home.  It's your JOB AS A MOTHER to protect your child, even if you're protecting them from your husband.  YOU chose that person as your "partner".  Your children didn't CHOOSE them at all!!!  They got stuck with him...stuck with your choice.  Great.  Lovely.  PROTECT THEM!!!

I'm telling you...if I ever saw ANYONE rub a child's face in their own urine...
It would not go well.  It would not go well at all.

Also, one more thing Super Mom...
When you see your husband slap your child in the face for biting his brother and you do nothing, you are allowing it.  You are saying it's okay.

GREAT PARENTING.

You don't get to hit children and say "keep your hands to yourself".  You have to teach by example.  You have to know that having those children is NOT YOUR RIGHT.  It's a privilege.  You can lose custody of them in a heartbeat.  They'll be gone, and even if you're not the one physically putting your hands on them, you are also not protecting them.  Failure to protect is AS BAD as being the one who does the hurting.  

"You hit me for hitting people to teach me that hitting people is wrong."  Confusing to adults.  Confusing to children!!!

If you need some help figuring out how to raise your children with respect, you can talk to your family Dr.  You can call CPS/CAS and talk to them.  You can sign up for courses, you can get some kind of funding to pay for some child care, so you can have a break from them if you need it.

You NEVER need to hurt your children.  You NEVER need to allow someone else to.  And there is no excuse for making children feel like less than the amazing gifts they are.

Maybe I Care Too Much About This...But I'm Calling BULLSHIT. Again.

Power Bullshit.

There's a young girl on a local selling site selling these..."Power Balance" bracelets...for $15 each, claiming that they were given to her free for a promotional thing...she says she's sponsored by Power Balance in tennis.

Well, I have been waiting for her "new, free" bracelets to arrive (she said she gets them as a promotion) so I could get some more pictures of them from her.  Shocker of the day...LOL...they aren't genuine "Power Balance" bracelets.

I knew as soon as I saw them that they were fake.

Note the color of the bracelets and lettering.

Fake.  It even looks cheap!

So, because I'm a skeptic, I already found out that "Power Balance" is being sued over their bracelets.  They're a scam.  People want their money back.  They hold no more power than a rubber band.  Shocking.  LOL  Sorry, but from the second I saw them I had to take a minute and look into what it was that they said was giving these rubber bracelets their "power".  Well, it turns out it's the hologram.  Seriously.  LOL  Oh that's some good stuff there!  XD

Anyway, the girl selling THESE bracelets has lied from the start.  Again.  Shocking.  LOL

The bracelets she's selling are NOT from "Power Balance"...they're from eBay.  And they're not genuine.

Fake.  Buy 10 for $20 on eBay.  

See?!  See the bracelet colours?  See the lettering?!  Same thing.  Exactly the same thing.  It took me all of three minutes to seach eBay for "Power Balance Bracelet Lot", and found this at the top.

From the website.

I'm no detective, though I play one in real life.  I know a scam when I see one, and I knew this was one the second I read about how the hologram (a sticker) improves strength and balance.  Seriously...does someone need to say that out loud to hear how insane it sounds?!

I put a picture from the "genuine" Power Balance bracelet buying page...and as you can see, they look completely different.  See the plastic cover on the hologram?  It's missing from the ones she's selling.

The hologram looks nothing like the "real" bracelets...and for shits and giggles, I punched in different colours offered by Power Balance, and saw that the black bracelets offer three choices for lettering...black, white, and yellow.  Not red.  Not green.

Another dead giveaway was the clear bracelets.  The website offers two colours for lettering.  Pink, and white.  Not purple.  Not blue.

And hey, I know I probably DO give WAY too much of a shit about this...but I HATE seeing people being ripped off.  If someone is buying something believing it's a genuine product, they should be GETTING a genuine product.  I hate scammers.  I hate seeing people scurrying to buy these bracelets for $15 each when they could get ten of these for $20 on eBay if they love them so much.  And really, if it's the BRACELET they love, that's fine.  Whatever.  But no one is going to pay $15 for a "Power Balance" bracelet for fun.  It just irritates me.  Badly.

So again, don't buy ANYTHING until you've researched it.  Know wtf it is that you're paying for.  Don't be scammed.  And please, for the love of all that is good and holy, HAVE MORE SENSE THAN DOLLARS.

That is all.